Aimee Danielle Biada

Words are so hard to come by right now. I don't know how or what to even post, but I know I'll regret it if I don't try to record this. Please forgive my inability to write clearly. It is 6:00 am, and I just can't sleep.

Today marks three months to the day since Jessica died. Yesterday, Aimee joined her. My oldest sister. What is it about oldest children? They have a way of holding a family together, of guiding the younger siblings. I looked to Aimee almost all of my life for advice, for help. She was a good big sister, fulfilling her duties and going far beyond them. She was my best friend for so many years. I miss her so much already, it hasn't even been 24 hours.

As I already posted, Aimee was really sick. We knew that. We knew her time was near. But it all happened so fast. We were supposed to be in Boston yesterday with her, getting makeovers at the mall, and going out to eat at someplace divine. Not spending our last moments with her. I can't seem to get to the point..... I'll try.

I left on Christmas day, aware that it was the last time she would ever recognize me in this life. I said goodbye, I told her the last things I needed to say to her. That doesn't mean I thought she only had 3 more days. I didn't know if I wanted to never leave her side, or escape into my own life and try to forget what was going on with her. But I knew that day that I had to leave. We had to go spend Christmas with the Lows, and they were very sweet to me as I sobbed to them. I felt like I needed to come back, but I couldn't really see the point as Aimee was only awake for a few hours a day, and wasn't coherent during those short hours. Why would I go back only to sit outside her room while she slept? I felt like I needed to though, and so did Dave. He repeatedly asked me when I was coming back down, and we decided that Friday would be a good day.

I woke up Friday, showered, and got Isaac and Henry ready and out the door. As I was driving down to Bountiful, Lauren called and told me to hurry. "Mom says that Aimee has the same look that Jessica had on the day she died." I told her I was on my way, and would be there as quickly as I could.

I walked into the house and went straight to Aimee's room. She was now on an oxygen mask, and her breaths were around 10 seconds apart. It was very similar to the way Jessica was breathing before she died, very laborious, and she lifted and turned her head as she breathed. Her skin was very hot to the touch, she obviously had a fever. The hospice nurse arrived shortly after I did, and she checked all of Aimee's vitals. She asked my Mom how blunt she would like her to be. We all agreed we wanted the truth. "Aimee is actively dying," she said. We knew it wouldn't be long.

We all gathered in the room together, and Aimee received a priesthood blessing releasing her from this life. I don't think it was longer than 30 minutes from that point. Probably less. We read her patriarchal blessing together (Lauren read), and then as she peacefully stopped breathing, Lauren and Kate sang to her the song, "Homeward Bound."

In the quiet, misty morning,
When the moon has gone to bed,
When the sparrows stop their singing,
And the sky is clear and red.

When the summer's ceased its gleaming,
When the corn is past its prime,
When adventure's lost its meaning,
I'll be homeward bound in time.

Bind me not to the pasture,
Chain me not to the plow,
Set me free to find my calling,
And I'll return to you somehow.

If you find it's me your missing,
If you're hoping I'll return,
To your thoughts I'll soon be listning,
in the road I'll stop and turn.

Then the wind will set me racing,
As my journey nears its end,
And the paths I'll be retracing,
When I'm homeward bound again.

Bind me not to the pasture,
Chain me not to the plow,
Set me free to find my calling,
And I'll return to you somehow.

In the quiet, misty morning,
When the moon has gone to bed,
When the sparrows stop their singing,
I'll be homeward bound again.

It was so beautiful. My sister's are so sweet. All of them. As Carrie said, "Jessica was probably right there singing with them." This is one thing that makes me so happy- I know that Jessy was right there to meet Aimee. As soon as she was able, I know Jessica would be there to greet Aimee. And knowing my sister Jess, she would be jumping out of her skin (figuratively) with excitement to show Aimee around. The two are reunited. These two little girls that were born so close together in this life, were born even closer together into the next life.

There was a beautiful feeling of peace that filled the room afterwards. If only we could bottle up that feeling and drink of it when we needed to. It was so sweet. We spent the rest of the day trying to figure out what even happened. It was all too much to comprehend.

We sat with her body in the room for a long time. We just couldn't leave her. She looked beautiful, and peaceful. I studied the features of her face, her hands, her fingers. It's amazing how the very fingers of a person are so unique. Hands are such a part of an individual. I don't want to forget even one of those features of Aimee. I remember doing this with Jessica, and I can still remember the details as I looked at her toes, fingers and lips. It will be such a long time before I see them again. These sisters that I've known my whole life, but won't see again until the next life. She looked so good, I walked by her room at one point and started asking her where Dad was. Then I said out loud, "You can't answer me can you." But answer or no, I liked having her there. I didn't want them to take her away. But of course they had to. This is the natural course.

We had a family meeting to plan the "Aimee Life Celebration Trip." This was Aimee's idea to help us be happier after she died. She wanted us to sell her house, and use the money to go on a "kick butt" vacation. I thought it would be fun to begin planning where we wanted to go. We enjoyed discussing all the different possibilities. We're leaning towards Cancun right now at one of the palace resorts. But nothing has been decided of course. It was a fun discussion, but when it was over, she was still gone. It didn't really make up for that. But it is such a sweet thing for her to do for us. And it's nice to have something to think about that is happy. Thank you Aimee.

I still can't believe this has happened. I don't even know what else to write. I'm so sad. We all are.
Aimee, Jessica, and I when we were sealed to our parents for time and all eternity at the Washington DC temple. It's such a blessing to be sealed together, I'm so grateful for the sealing powers of the priesthood.


Aimee and I on the day Josh was sealed to us at the Bountiful Temple

Cancer Sucks

I don't really like that word, but Aimee had one of these buttons, and I'm sure she would love having this on my blog. Aimee is sick, really sick. I have been avoiding this post as long as I could, partially because I couldn't admit it, and couldn't figure out what to write about it. Also I have been avoiding it because I didn't want her to have to read this. She was living in a world of denial, and seeing it written would have been really hard for her.

Aimee's cancer has metastasized. In October after spending the summer doing radiation and chemotherapy, Aimee had her post-treatment scan done. It showed growths on her lungs that weren't there before. One could assume they were tumors, but it couldn't be proven until another scan showed growth. Aimee chose the path of denial. So we went along hoping for a miracle, that these spots on the scan were just some fluky thing. Although no one really believed it except her. She just couldn't accept the thought of dying.

Aimee started planning fun things to do so she would have something to look forward to. She planned this trip to Boston with Lauren and I, and she planned a family cruise. She made it to the family cruise, but afterwards admitted that she was having a hard time breathing.

They returned from the cruise on December 1st, and 2 days later she started on oxygen. Her scan a week later showed a tumor 7 cm on her left lung (along with others) and some tumors in her hips and back.

What it didn't show was what was going on inside her head. A week ago she started skipping a few words here and there and acting a little bit confused. Some said it could be the pain meds. On Saturday I saw her and she looked a lot sicker, but spoke normally. On Sunday my family came to the conclusion that the cancer had spread into her brain. When we showed up on Monday, she was getting set up for hospice. I went in her room (Which was so recently Jessica's room), and laid down on the bed with her. I started to weep. We wept together. We spoke for a bit, some of it made sense, some didn't. This was Christmas Eve. We were supposed to go out to eat together!

I decided to give Aimee her Christmas present on Christmas Eve for fear that she wouldn't wake up in time on Christmas morning. I hand stitched a temple apron for her to be buried in just like I gave to Jessica last year for Christmas. She loved it! She loved it every time I gave it to her......

On her way from the couch to the dinner table she fell. As she did, I saw bruises on her knees. I think she has fallen a lot. She came to eat dinner, but spent more time playing with the ice in her cup. We tried talking to her about Boston, but most of what she said didn't make any sense. She did understand that she wasn't going anymore.

By Christmas morning, when she did wake up, she said very little that made sense anymore. It was just like my grandma who had dementia. She was very happy, but very confused. I asked her to try to remember what I gave her for Christmas, but she just couldn't. So I gave it to her again. It is fairly rewarding to give a person their Christmas present several times and see that reaction. But heartbreaking under the given circumstances.

We left around noon on Christmas to visit Dave's family. Aimee held my hand and I gave her all my requests for her when she gets to the other side. I told her we would miss her, and I loved her, and that I was so, so, sorry. I expected that this would be my last chance to do that and have her understand me. It seems that I may have been right. She is getting weaker, and having a hard time staying awake at all.

It is so hard for me to understand. This is my smart, older sister. She got an MBA from BYU, so scored a 32 on her ACT, how can this brilliant mind deteriorate like this? To use my father's words, she is fading. She is fading so fast! Just a week ago we were planning our trip to Boston, and she had organized a whole itinerary. Now she scarcely can remember our names, and she'll say things that don't even make sense to her. Yesterday she said a jumbled up, random grouping of words, and afterwards she said, "That didn't make sense." At least she could laugh about it.

The doctor's said she would probably have 2 or 3 months after she started having symptoms, but doctors lie! We don't even know if she has more than a week or two. I feel this icky numb feeling. I can't believe this is happening. We aren't ready! We just stood together at the cemetery not even 3 months ago! I don't want another funeral. I don't want to stand in this awful cold weather and watch my sister be buried. And most of all, I don't want to watch them take another one of my Mom's babies away! I watched her after Jessica died, and she didn't want to leave her side. How can this happen twice in one year?

I honestly don't know why this is so hard. I have a great eternal perspective, I know we'll be together again. But I think it will take some time to get used to all this. The whole dynamics of our family change now. We go from 6 to 4 kids. I become the oldest. But I do know that I have a wonderful family, and we'll make it through. Not only will we make it through, but we will have fun, laugh, smile, and all grow old together, because we are NOT losing another family member for a LONG time! And we will enjoy the wonderful memories of our two sisters who left us early. We have a lot of memories with them, and we'll need them to keep us happy.

I don't even know if this post is written for anyone else to understand. My mind is so clouded over when I think about it all. I just needed to get something written down.

Big News

BIG news- I'm engaged! Just kidding, that happened about 5 years ago. Even better, my ring fits again. I haven't been able to wear it since I started gaining weight in my pregnancy with Henry, and now it fits! Now I don't have to look like a single mother to 3 little boys! I feel like I got an early Christmas present.

Monkeying around

The boys love their monkey jammies, but I think the jammies encourage monkey-like behavior. ;) Not that they need much encouraging!



I wouldn't want to forget my other monkey.

Imagination

Isaac drew up a map today on a post-it. It was a map to "stonestep hill" (from Backyardigans). It was so funny, he ripped the map in half and gave me half so he could race me to stonestep hill. Since I know how this story goes, I said out loud, "Green spaghetti! why would someone put green spaghetti on the map." Isaac came over and pointed to the map and said, "I think that's a popsicle." I was confused because there is nothing about popsicles in the episode. Then I started laughing hysterically as I realized he meant OBSTACLE. He is so funny. He also has had a "peg leg" today, just like Captain Pablo the pirate. His imagination cracks me up. He is such an easy child, I'm so thankful for him.

Dribble, dribble, shoot!

Dawson learned a new phrase. He is obsessed with balls, and he loves to play with our little basketball hoop all day. He actually is quite good, and has an excellent arm. When he plays basketball now, he bends over and hits the ball on the ground while saying drrrr, drrr, drrrr, then shouts SHOOT! and shoots the ball. It's really cute!

The long awaited smile!

The time has finally come! This morning after a long night's sleep and a good milky meal, Henry smiled! Not just a little smile, but BIG smiles with scrunchy eyes. SO CUTE! He just kept smiling too, it wasn't a one time thing. We probably had a good half hour of talking and smiling, it was really sweet. Tomorrow morning maybe I can catch it on camera. My sweet baby. I love being a Mom!

Ahem.

I am pleased to announce that I am starting a new blog. This new blog will be called "Preggot!- a blog about pregnancy, motherhood, and whatever else I feel like posting." It will be an impersonal blog, not about me but about the resources and information I have found on these topics through all my research. For those who don't know, I am quite an internet researcher, but I also love to trap my doctors in the examination room asking them questions. I really do think I know a lot of valuable information on this topic, so I think it will be a great site. So for anyone who has any interest in my topics, stay tuned for the first post on Preggot! The URL is www.preggot.blogspot.com

I will have it linked from my family blog, and once it gets going, feel free to link it to your blog as well! I am still writing the initial content, (amid all my other projects... I have way too many!) and will post as soon as I get a few articles written.

City Council Training

Dave had a city council "land use" training in North Salt Lake, and I hitched a ride with him. We are down in Bountiful for 2 days, and loving every second of it. The boys are getting constant attention, Dawson loves his audience (They clap for pretty much everything he does), and Isaac takes advantage of the suckers that make him chocolate milk any time he asks. Grammy spoils them with fun new toys and the Grammy cafe (She makes Isaac anything he asks for to eat), and Dawson helped himself to some doggy treats. Mmmm. We love coming down here.

Grammy getting some quality time with Bubba
Grammy got out some new blocks for Isaac to play with, and he built himself a beautiful tower.

Christmas Magic

My Mom started a new Christmas tradition in our family. She doesn't know it's a tradition yet, but... she does now! She gave each of my boys one of the old school Chocolate Christmas Calendars. Isaac loves it! He not only talks about how it is "So nice of Grammy to give me chocolate," but also about how many chocolates are left and how when the chocolate is gone, Christmas is here. I make him find the numbers, so it is helping him identify his numbers. It has been so fun, thanks Mom!

I LOVE wrapping presents. I love to be creative in trying to make my presents look pretty, but I never spend very much money on wrapping supplies. I always buy my wrapping paper 75% off after Christmas, and my ribbon too. I also try to buy the paper that isn't so Christmassy for 75% off too, so I wrap birthday and baby presents for cheap too. This year, I don't have much in the way of ribbon for some reason. So I've been trying to be creative to make my wrapping pretty without having to go buy ribbon full price. I learned that wrapping paper can make great ribbon. And in the process of using some of my "paper" ribbon, I came up with this great idea. Wrapping paper snowflakes! They are so pretty! (Don't look Mom and Dad, that is your present!) So as you are wrapping your presents this year, give someone a present with a "wrapping paper snowflake." And you can even take the credit for that brilliant idea. I hereby release to rights to all my blog readers to make "wrapping paper snowflakes." Lucky you!


Our new family Christmas Eve tradition that I'm excited about is the "Christmas Cake." We were talking with our friends about how to bring Christ into Christmas, and we decided to make a birthday cake for baby Jesus. But somehow, Dave and I aren't the world's biggest cake fans, so we decided to make a coffee cake (renamed Christmas cake) on Christmas Eve and eat it for breakfast on Christmas morning. Of course, with candles and the song. I mean for a kid to believe that we are celebrating the birth of the Savior, don't they need to see the birthday cake? I'm excited about this way to teach our children about why we celebrate Christmas.

We love Christmas time in our family, and we are having fun planning all our new traditions for our little family.

Sweet Baby

Our baby was......
Isn't that cute? Our friend Sadie (A fellow boy mom- 4 boys 1 girl) gave it to us. I love it!

Our sweet little "Bubba" is 6 weeks old today. I wish I could bottle up this baby stage, he is so sweet! Really, he doesn't do anything exciting- no smiling, no intentional coo-ing, etc. But he still sleeps most of the time, and is really good. We love having this sweet boy in our home, he brings a lot of joy even in times that don't always call for joy.

I just got an email with a blog request. I didn't know they existed, but it has been requested that I post a "pregnancy" blog with all my information. For those of you who don't know, I am obsessed with the medical aspects of conceiving and pregnancy. I had my Dr. laughing yesterday as I asked all my technical, medical questions at my 6 week appointment. The funny thing about me and pregnancy is I LOVE getting pregnant, I LOVE giving birth (even though I scream how bad I hate it at the time), and I LOVE the babies, but I really don't like those 8 months in between. I wish I could somehow skip those 8 months... Maybe my research will help me find a way :). I have studied pregnancy and everything that goes with it for the last 4 1/2 years, and I have some great resources that I share with those who ask. Now I will send it out there for those who don't ask. HA! But really getting pregnant/pregnancy is a very private thing for some, and I know it's hard to ask these things, so this might be a good thing for some of my readers. Especially those wondering how I just got checks in the mail for $6600 just for giving birth. Yes, I will tell you how to MAKE money having a child (of course it's only at birth, they'll suck the money out of you for the rest of their lives still). So stay tuned for that post! And feel free to email me any other "blog requests"

3 little boys

Life is still fun and exhausting with these 3 kids. We just love them all, and spend so much time laughing at them.

Yesterday in the car Isaac said, "Dawson poked me!" And of course Dawson had an evil little grin on his face. I can't believe this has started already!

Isaac is the innkeeper in his school nativity, and he is very good at his line, "NO ROOM!" Hilarious. This morning I told him we needed to get his innkeeper costume ready and he said, "Hmmm, I know, I could wear my Buzz Lightyear costume!"

The first thing Dawson wants in the morning is milk. The second, football. He runs in here, grabs the remote, and hands it to me saying, "ball, ball, ball." Sick!

One more thing I love about Isaac- he calls Dave and I "guys." He thinks we're just his buddies, and he'll say, "Hey guys, I have an idea!" Just like we're 3 friends all hanging out. I obviously need to start spanking him so he knows who is boss!


This picture explains itself doesn't it? My little Dawson monkey!

Dave thinks Dawson is goofy looking, but I think he's cute! Dave tells me it's a face only a mother could love. Personally, I think he's going to be gorgeous when he grows up with those blue eyes and big dimples.


Henry has the best wardrobe of any little baby boy west of the Mississsippi! Seriously, he has so many cute outfits, I feel like he should get his picture taken every day! Here are some of the favorites:


I love his handsome devil hoodie that Grandma Stevie gave him, but he doesn't look quite as handsome in this picture as he is in real life. He looks quite stressed out in this picture!

I don't know if this was a yawn or a scream. I can't remember!

This outfit was Isaac's originally... still cute!
Henry has not only accumulated an incredible wardrobe, but several nicknames including: Rico (Grandpa George), Ole Hen (Jesse), and Bubba (Daws). He is still a very sweet baby, but not perfect anymore. He has some fussy times, which are actually more stressful than when Dawson had colic because I don't know what is wrong with him. With Daws I knew that there was no way to stop him from crying, with Henry I frantically try everything I can think of to make him stop, and he does stop, but then he'll start again a few minutes later. It's really not much, definitely not colic, but it does exclude him from the "perfection" category. He's still sleeping well at night, he's doing 5 or 6 hours for the first stretch and then about 4 hours for the second. Sometimes I only wake up once at night! Keep it up dude!

Henry's Blessing Day

Yesterday was Henry's blessing day. It was a wonderful day, and a beautiful blessing- given by Dave. It was so nice to be with our family, and celebrate the birth of this beautiful baby! We love Henry! Of course, it was such a busy day, that we didn't get any pictures of our family, but we did get a pic of Aimee and I, and the proud grandparents (on my side)

These are the days..... to remember

As we were strolling through Las Vegas The Cranberries' song, "These are the days" was playing. It hasn't quite left my head since then, and thus the title of my post. :)

I thought I would share with you my latest parenting goal. Of course I have currently many goals, and have had many goals in the past, but this is my latest, one that has really moved in and settled, made itself at home in my parenting.

In times of stress, (you know the yucky stress that only adults feel, not the "Ahh, my jam is dripping out of my peanut butter sandwich!" stress that kids feel... not to belittle that kind of stress though.) But anyway, in times of stress I look at my children's lives and think how wonderful and easy it must be to be little. Really, every need they have is met, if not instantly than definitely after a few minutes of whining. Life is full of make believe, which is so real! Adults can't seem to slip into that pretend world anymore. Laughter is natural and instinctive- A study said that kids laugh 300 times a day, and adults only 15 on average. My children can sleep whenever they want, and basically eat whatever they want (since they don't choose to eat much of anything). To me it looks like a great life, especially in those moments when I'm less than thrilled with my life.

Truly childhood was magical for me. I had a good Mom. She was my best friend, and as far as I was concerned she lived to please me. I have nothing but good memories of my Mom, no matter how hard I dig (and I have a REALLY good memory). I really try to be like my Mom, but always fall short. (So that isn't the goal I am talking about today) Are you getting curious, or did you just give up and stop reading? I'm getting to what my goal is.

Dave came home from teaching his adult religion class one night with a little philosophy from a wise old man. The man said that probably very few children even get 5 minutes a day from their parent of one on one. NO! you might think. Not me! I'm a good parent. Or, like it or not I'm with them ALL DAY! But really, how much time is one-on-one? I have 3 kids now. It's quite easy to "herd" them all day- "You eat this and you eat this. And you sit here, and you come with me over here. You get to wear this, you this, and you this. Would you just watch this, and leave him alone!" See what I mean?

So my goal has been to not only increase my one-on-one time, but my playtime with the kids. And also to make those times magical. I want these kids to feel like these ARE days to remember. And I want them to remember ONLY the good times of course, since unlike my mother I HAVE bad times as well.

It's a great goal of course, most goals are good, but how do you implement it? It becomes so easy to plant your kids in front of Dora and call it "Spanish Lessons." To sit your kid in a corner with some books and let them "read." Or to sit them at the bar with a peanut butter sandwich and yell from the couch, "You can't play your games until that sandwich is gone!" And still you can feel like a good parent, because your children's needs are met, probably met better than most children in the world. But to really get your kids to spend time with you isn't always easy. And certainly making it magical takes a lot of creativity

A few years ago I read in a magazine a story of a woman whose last child was really being naughty. She struggled with this little girl, and was beside herself with how to deal with her troubled child. She prayed for help, and that night her deceased grandmother came to her in her dream. She asked only one question, "Are you playing with her?" The woman realized that she was just tending her daughter, but not playing with her. After she changed her parenting, and played with her more, the discipline problems disappeared.

I shared that story with Dave, and whenever he calls from work and I tell him the kids are being bad he reminds me of that story and asks, "Have you played with them?"

So I made this goal, and I have slowly gotten better at it. I have picked up tips from other mothers, and I even found a great website with tips- www.familyfun.com.

I have had so much fun with my kids in the process of this goal, and like I said it has become easier and more a part of my parenting. Here are some of the things we have done this week for our "fun time"

-Had a band- Isaac, Dawson, and I marched around the house with various instruments (a bottle of pills, a pot lid and a spoon, 2 pot lids as cymbals, and eventually a guitar). We sang songs, and then played along to some songs from our collection. Isaac took it very seriously when a new song started and he had to pick a new instrument to go along with that particular song.

-Played "Alligators in the swamp." We scattered socks on the floor around the room and tried not to step on the "alligators". We said,"Don't step on the alligators." and I was thinking it would get old fast when one of the alligators found it's way onto my hand and the alligators ate/tickled the boys. Then alligators found their way onto the boys hands and they chased me.

-Sang some new songs and some old songs while I played the guitar.

-Played "gymnastics" (I taught preschool tumbling for awhile, I might as well use those skills.)

-Follow the Leader- take turns being the leader

-Danced to Christmas songs

-Watched You-tube videos of "The Magical Garden", a show from my childhood. Brooke got me into this nostalgia thing after she showed "Duck Tales" to our boys. It was so funny, one of the comments on the You-tube videos called Paula and Carole (the stars of the Magical Garden show) "The original Indigo Girls." Hilarious! Maybe that's why I like the Indigo Girls so much, I grew up watching 2 hippie women with a guitar. (But Paula and Carole aren't lesbians)

As we marched around the house in our "marching band" I caught a glimpse of our striking band, and realized that these aren't only the days for my boys to remember, but for me too. These are great days of motherhood, and they will last such a short time. In 10 years, I will have moved on to other fun parenting experiences, and I will look back on these times and hopefully remember the fun things we did and not remember when I found my camera charger soaking in the sink or how many times I had to pick up the box of 200 Q-tips before I threw it out. Or how many boxes of tampons got unwrapped, or how many countries I could have fed with the food Dawson threw on the floor. Or how I had to keep the Clorox spray in Isaac's bathroom after he learned that other boys stand up when they go to the bathroom. Okay, enough... but those things are funny too when you look back on them.


So now you know my latest parenting goal. Along with it I've tried to be more patient, more validating, and tell them that I love them more (even though I already did that 100 times a day). I love being a Mom. It isn't glamorous, that's for sure! But I love it. I recently found out about a former friend of Dave's who is quite successful in her career, and appears to have a very glamorous life. It made me feel bad for a moment as I looked down at my deflated, post partum body, and looked back of my day of grilled cheese sandwiches and diaper changes. I actually teared up and asked Dave if he wished he weren't married to me. (Silly question, I'm the best thing that ever happened to him!) But I truly believe that this life of parenting brings joy that you cannot attain otherwise. I don't see how I could be as happy without these kids, I'm so grateful the Lord has blessed me with them. Hopefully I don't let Him down as I raise these precious little guys that he has entrusted me with. I definitely am still learning. But in the mean time, while I work towards being the perfect parent, I'm still trying to make life fun for these boys.

P.S. If you actually read all of that you get a gold star

What happens in Vegas...... + more pictures!

......Gets posted on my blog! We had a great week in Vegas with Jesse and Brooke for Thanksgiving. We get along with them really well, and our kids get along really well (they fight to the death too :).
Here are some of my highlights from the week-

-Four out of five of our family slept in the same Queen sized bed. We actually slept quite well.

-We went shopping to the Disney store to buy Isaac's Christmas presents. Of course, he went with us. He opened up the bag and saw the toys. He asked for the toys. We lied to him and told him they were for the "sick kids." (He had donated some toys to a children's hospital a few days earlier). The best part of the story.... He bought it! He really thought we bought all the same toys he has asked for for Christmas to give away to the children's hospital! Wow, that was easy.

-Learning the psychology behind my nephew Matthew's behavior via his parents. He is so funny, I love him! He's really quiet, but kind of naughty, and his Jesse and Brooke are always interpreting why he acts the way he does. I enjoyed laughing at the things he did all week. I really love both of their kids!

-The Bellagio water show. I really think I could watch that all day and not get bored. It is so amazing.

-A really tasty, yet really laid back Thanksgiving dinner.

-When Dave had Dawson in the backpack, Isaac on his shoulders, and carried Henry's carseat. It was hilarious, and he insisted on walking through the casino like that!

-Brooke's chocolate torte

-All the treats Brooke bought us for the drive home.

-Watching the two brothers (Jesse and Dave) being such incredible dads to their boys. They must have been raised by a really good dad to learn such techniques. But maybe they need to talk to their Dad about how he ended up with all those girls. So far there are no "Low" girls in this generation.

These were the only pictures I could get loaded, I'll post more later.

Mom and Daws
The old cousins in the bath picture. Doesn't everyone have one of these?



Dave with 2/3 kids
At this new "Town Square" place they had a maze for the kids.

The "Ocean's Eleven" shot. We can call it Low's 2

Christmas is coming.....

We decorated for Christmas today, and the boys wanted me to take their pictures. They were being really silly.

Turkey Bowl!

Dave has started an annual Elder's Quorum Turkey Bowl in every ward we've been in. I remember last year showing up for the last 2 minutes of the game, totally overwhelmed at the thought of having 2 kids all by myself at the game. This year I didn't hesitate to bring all 3 kids. Like I said, I've surrendered.

Dawson wasn't about to sit and watch his Dad playing football without him.(Dawson's favorite thing is football) Dave played a few downs while holding Daws.

On having three

In my infinite wisdom on having three children (since it has been three weeks you know), this is what I have learned.

With our first child he was "Babywise", he was an angel, sleeping through the night at 6 weeks old. We were good parents, we knew how to raise a child to sleep through the night, put himself to sleep, and be happy and smile at everyone.

Our second child was colicky. He is what my Mom calls a "Highly Sensitive Person." He didn't sleep through the night...... EVER! He still doesn't a lot of times. There were lots of reasons why he was like that: we spoiled him, he was early and therefor had an immature digestive tract causing colic and reflux, etc. We weren't good parents, and we knew it. But we loved our little colicky, grumpy, Dawson, and conceived again for some crazy reason.

With our third child we consider ourselves DANG LUCKY! We now understand that with all the excuses out there for why children act one way or the other, the bottom line is: They come with their own personalities. I honestly think that for 3 weeks I have had the perfect baby. I can't imagine how a baby could be easier, and I know it has very little to do with me. (He actually is trying to sleep through the night again, but after about 6 hours I can't sleep anymore until I feed him)

Here are some reasons why the third child hasn't been hard for us: After having 2 children, you surrender. You surrender to the fact that you children cannot have EVERYTHING, ALL THE TIME. Sometimes you have to pick one child, and address his needs before the other one. Sometimes there will be screaming, lots of it. Sometimes you'll look around at your chaotic life and laugh as you wonder how the heck you got there. After 2 children you surrender to the fact that your life is chaos, and it's really hard to notice any more chaos. So what difference does a third make? Honestly, not much. It's been an easy transition for us. Even while I write this though, I shudder to think of how I will handle 4 someday. Hopefully my chaos theory will hold true for the fourth.

Another thing that has made this transition easy for us is the fact that they are all so young they still sleep a lot. In the last 3 weeks, I can't count how many times I have had all three babies sleeping at the same time. It's great!

I've had a lot of people say that the third baby is always the easiest baby. A lot of people say that their third child is their favorite- It certainly was true for my parents ;). And I always did say that my brown haired baby would be my favorite. Besides, Henry barely even made me throw up in pregnancy. I'll try not to play favorites though, I know how hard it is for my sisters watching me be the favorite child! (Okay, okay, I'll stop now)

So those are my thoughts on having three children. If you have two and are considering a third, I highly recommend it. We love it!

Henry (Otherwise known as Bubba)

Bubba is still a sweet little baby. We keep waiting for him to turn into a little monster, but so far so good. We are all madly in love with him. We just got his 10 day old pictures back, and will have a birth announcement soon. If you have a new address, or you weren't on my birth announcement list last time (Sad that I haven't update my addresses since then), please email me your address ericabase@hotmail.com


The first bath. He loved it.
I've decided that this is the opposite of the fetal position. He always sleeps this way. I think Henry is rebelling for having been squished in that darn fetal position for so long.

Dinner Exchange

Tonight was our first night of our dinner exchange group. Someone from our ward brought us 5 frozen dinners when I was on bedrest, and we got the details of their group and started our own.

There are 5 of us, and each month we make 6 meals- 5 to exchange and 1 to give away. We get together on the second Tuesday of every month to visit for an hour and exchange meals. Then we have an extra meal to give to someone in need. It has to serve 6 people or fit in a 9 x 13 pan. We all bought the same pans, so we don't have to return them, we just re-exchange them.

This month we got:
Lasagne Pinwheels
Turkey Pillows
Chicken Wontons
Gourmet Macaroni and Cheese
Chicken Enchiladas

It was really fun, and I am excited to have 5 meals in the freezer that I can pull out any time I need to.

The birth story

I FINALLY finished writing my birth story. This is one of my favorite things to do after having a baby. Child birth is such an amazing thing, and each one is so different. All 3 of my babies have such different birth stories.

WARNING- Due to the graphic nature of this post, don't read it unless you aren't bothered by the details of child birth.
The short story- (because the other one is REALLY long)

My water broke at 5:45 am on Friday the 26th. I arrived at the hospital at 7:00 am, at 4+ cm. I asked not to get the pitocin until my mom could get up here, but then after I got it I still progressed really slowly. It turns out he was posterior, and that was keeping my cervix from progressing any further. Finally the Dr. came and I pushed for 30 minutes before he flipped into the proper position and came out the next push. Wouldn't it have been nice if he had been in that position right from the start?

The birth story as recorded in my journal-

The story begins on Thursday October 18th when I went into preterm labor, I guess. I felt really weird that day, and told Dave I was pretty scared. I tried to lay down as much as I could, but that just made me realize how much I do as a mother, because I was up doing stuff all day until Dave got home. When he got home, he had me lay down, but after a few hours the contractions got closer and closer- 7 minutes apart, 5 minutes, 3 minutes. I called labor and delivery, but I learned that they were just going to give me drugs to stop the labor, and I had these drugs in my possession. So I broke down and took the drugs which send my heart rate skyrocketing, give me a headache, and make me nauseaus. The labor stopped and the bed-rest began. For a few days I had to take the pills round the clock, and lay down, not sit or stand except to potty. After a few days, things settled down, and I had about 3 contractions an hour with or without the pills, so I stopped taking them. I was also able to sit, which helped my kinked back. At my 34 week appointment I was 3+ cm and 80% effaced. I figure after this labor incident, I was 4 cm and 90% effaced.

Exactly one week after my bedrest began, I started to feel weird again. This time I felt weird with hardly any contractions. I felt really jittery, anxious, hot, and my heart was racing- up in the 120's. I nearly went to labor and delivery to see if they could figure out what was wrong with me, but after an hour or so I started calming down and stayed home. Dave kept asking me if he thought it was my body telling me that it was done being pregnantThat night before I went to bed I told Dave that it was a full moon the next day. He asked me why I was telling him this, and I acted as though I always talk about the full moon. The truth is I think full moons encourage labor, and I just had a feeling. Not many contractions though.

I had the thought as I laid down that I should put plastic down on my mattress in case my water broke, but I didn't think it was too urgent. I had been sick since Sunday with a cold, and being pregnant, couldn't really take anything to clear out my nose and lungs and get some rest. So I was up for most of the night coughing and blowing my nose. At 5:00 am I got sick of my room, and came out to read in the family room and wait until 5:30 when Dave would wake up. I thought that if I took a shower with him, it might clear my lungs and nose a little bit. So I woke him up at 5:30, and started the shower. Our shower lights are on a timer, and I set them for 15 minutes so Dave would know when to get out and get dressed for work. He has to leave at 6:00 to teach the early morning class. I had one contraction in the shower, and the thought did cross my mind that my water could break from one of these contractions, but I always thought you felt/heard a big pop. So when the lights went out at 5:45 I got out of the shower, and Dave asked for an extra 5 minutes on the lights to stay in the shower. I dried off, but I was still dripping down my leg a little bit. I dried off again, same thing. I started to panic. I grabbed a white hand towel, and tried to figure out what was going on, but I could never see anything on it. I started pacing the bathroom, and finally went into my bedroom to try to think clearly. When Dave got out of the shower, I told him we had a problem. "I think my water broke." Then he started to panic. "You think it broke or it broke?" "I think it broke..... no it broke....I think." So he's scrambling around trying to get dressed telling me that I need to figure this out, that he has to get to work. And I'm still trying to figure out what happened, but I kept leaking. Finally I had him come look. I squatted over the tile, and watched what happened, a little puddle formed. I wiped it up and it was clear, so at that point I knew- Dave was still in denial. He kept telling me that I wasn't sure, but I told him whether or not I was sure I had to go to labor and delivery to find out. He told me that 50 students would be waiting at the seminary building for him to unlock it, and he had to go. So he called his parents, and they came up as he left for work.

I must say at this point I was furious. I huffed and groaned as I walked around the house thinking of what I needed to do, but was unable to think clearly at all. I felt like I had been in total control of this preterm labor because I had pills, but I had now lost my control. It was way too early, and I just wanted to go back to bed and pretend nothing happened. I was not excited, not happy, and frankly didn't feel mentally ready to have a baby at all. I was feeling very sick and very selfish. I called my Mom and warned her of her change in plans that day (The Biada's are up in Park City for the UEA holiday). I was SO grumpy. I felt like I had done something wrong, I did walk outside the night before, just out to the street to say hi to a friend. That's not in compliance with my bedrest. Maybe that's what did it. **Groan, huff.** I really didn't want a baby in the NICU, which at 35 weeks is very likely. **UGGGGGHHH** No offense Henry, but BAD timing. And to make matters worse, my Dr. was still out of town, and this brand new woman Dr. was on call who I had never met. I was terrified that if anything went wrong I would blame it on her. It did, and I did. So I wandered around the house trying to think of something productive to do, but I was totally unable to do so. I did manage to get clothes out for the kids. And I grabbed the cameras- our digital camera didn't have to card though... oops.

Gordon and Stevie came up, and Stevie insisted on driving me up to the hospital, so I grabbed a towel to sit on, a somewhat packed bag (something I had started before the bedrest), and wrote a quick post on my blog. We headed up to labor and delivery, which I wasn't completely sure how to get there even. We figured it out, and Stevie came up with me. I was placed in a delivery room with a GORGEOUS view of the mountains. Everyone was struggling trying to find things the whole day, no one knew where things were in this new women's center.

Dave came shortly after we got there, and was still questioning if my water had broken. The funny thing is they didn't check until around 8:30. But the fact that I was sitting in soaking wet towels made it so I was pretty sure! I sent Dave home to change, I really didn't want him in a suit for the birth of our baby. Dave called and asked me if I wanted our mothers to stay for the birth. We had never discussed this before, and very much DIDN'T want this with the other babies, but we both wanted to give it a try this time. So I told my Mom to hurry, and I told the nurse not to give me any pitocin until then. With Dawson I was complete within 15 minutes of the pitocin drip, so I thought it would probably go really fast after that. I was wrong!

By 9:30 I had gone from 4 to 6 cm, and I was worried that if I didn't get an epidural soon, I wouldn't be able to get one. I have no problem with contraction pain, but delivery pain is a totally different story. So I asked for an epidural whenever the anesthesiologist came available. He came shortly after, and boy do I love that feeling. And I was very pleased to be having my third pain-free labor. I believe in getting the epidural before I am in pain. For $1000 I am going to make that epi worth every penny. I was able to get some rest after that.

My Mom called and said she was close, so we started the pitocin at 11:00. Then came the waiting. My contractions were great, so I kept telling people it shouldn't be more than an hour. The progression was so slow after this! We waited and waited. Around 3:30 I was really close to complete, and the word "posterior" started getting thrown around. I delivered one baby posterior, and it wasn't pretty. I was getting pretty discouraged about it. The baby's heart rate was dropping a tad, so they made me wear the oxygen mask, which I didn't like too much. Maybe the fact that I hadn't been able to breathe through my nose for a week was lowering my oxygen level! But what did they give me? Saline Nose Spray. I felt like asking them if they had ever used Saline Nose Spray. Maybe patting my head and rubbing my tummy would help clear out my nose too? Honestly! I just wanted that Dr. to get over there, but she had patients to see, so she didn't come for awhile. When she finally came, I asked her if she could feel that he was posterior, and after checking she agreed that he was. I started crying! At that point I don't think I spoke another positive word until after he was delivered.

The next thing she discovered was that my water wasn't entirely broken yet. The membranes over his head were still intact, and they thought that might have slowed my progression as well. This means that the leak was up high, which is why I never had a big gush. I was really feeling the contractions at this point, but I didn't dare turn up my epidural because I knew how hard it would be to push him out this way. I wanted to have more feeling to push more effectively. After breaking the water, she tried unsuccessfully to flip him. I was really upset, I just didn't think I had the energy to push for a long time. I really don't like pushing. I begged for a c-section, but no one took me seriously. So I pushed. I started at 4:50. The progress on pushing was slow, and seemed non-existent to me. I asked Dave to go get the mirror, which I could see was in the closet. He went to get my makeup bag! I told him I didn't want a little mirror, I really didn't care what my makeup looked like at that point. I wanted the big mirror so I could see what I was doing! As he dropped further, he was putting so much pressure on my tailbone I started screaming and I really thought my tailbone would break. I said so many funny things, the video footage is hilarious. "I hate having kids" was my favorite. I was begging for them to just knock me out, but they told me it was too late for that. I screamed and moaned, and then I stopped. At that point he flipped. Suddenly I wasn't in a lot of pain. The Dr. said, "Lets have a baby!" ( Ha! Let's have a baby? Common, give me the credit here!) I pushed once and his head came out. I could totally feel the relief. The cord was around his neck, but not really tight. Then they told me I could push the rest of him out, and it felt SO good. In fact, I said that out loud. Then I said, "That was such a joke!" I really couldn't believe I made it through all that. He was born at 5:21 pm. So I got my wish of a pain-free labor, but the delivery was another story. It was definitely the most pain I've ever felt in my life, but after he flipped, the pain was minimal. I think I could do natural child birth if the baby was in the RIGHT DIRECTION!

At this point, all worries of premature lungs were gone, as he cried. He only cried for a minute, and quitely, but I could hear him whimpering as they cleaned him up, so I knew he was okay. They cleaned him off and put him on the scale. 6 lbs. 11 oz., 20 inches long. We had a good laugh about that. The Dr. cleaned me up, and I was thrilled when I learned that I hadn't even torn. Recovery is cake without tears. I felt great from there on out, and I shocked the nurses as I could walk right away. I walked myself to the bathroom and went, and they couldn't believe it. (They probably say that to everyone though :)

Henry nursed right away after birth, and did a great job. He was a perfect baby at the hospital, eating and sleeping like a dream. He had a few struggles to keep his body temperature up, but that is typical with early babies. He had a little bit of bruising on his head and nose- from being posterior.

Of course with his slightly bruised head, and being premature, he developed jaundice and was on the Bili-lights for a week. Henry has a round head, with brown hair. This is something I always wanted with my other kids. I love Dawson's blond hair, but I've always wanted my children to have brown hair.

We are so thrilled to have our third little boy here. He is such a joy, and the big boys love him. I wondered if this transition would be really crazy, especially having them so close, but it doesn't even seem any different. I think after 2, our house was so wild and crazy it couldn't get much worse.

Here I am loathing my oxygen mask

Big brother with Henry
Henry's Doctor (bugging him)
Dave surprised me with a dozen red roses and 3 white ones- one for each of my children. Awwww!

2 week update

Henry had his 2 week appointment on Friday. Everything looked good except the Bilirubin is still fairly high. He doesn't have to go back on the lights, but we have to get it checked again next week. Oh, this jaundice thing is getting old!

Here were his stats-
height- 20.5 in, <10% weight- 6 lb. 12 oz. <10%

Just passed his birth weight, which is the goal at 2 weeks. But, I checked Isaac and Dawson's records, and they were both 7.5 pounds at 2 weeks. And Isaac started out at 6 lb 5 oz! So Henry isn't growing as fast as they did, but he's growing just fine.

He's still an absolute delight. I'm starting to wonder if it isn't just his personality. I don't want to jinx it though! He still sleeps well at night, although I don't have to set my alarm to wake him anymore. He still almost never cries, only if I make him wait a really long time to eat. He just snorts and grunts when he wakes up which is a big change from Dawson who has woken up screaming his entire life! Isn't it a blessing that they all come different! We love Dawson even though he wasn't such an easy baby. I'm not due for 2 more weeks.... I'm sure glad he was early. You know, Henry came 30 days early. And my sister Lauren came 19 days late. So that means my Mom was pregnant for 49 days longer than I was! I don't know how you did that Mom! End of pregnancy days are similar to dog years... Each day is worth at least a week. Anyway, here are some pictures.

Dawson takes good care of Bubba. Lots of kisses, and always keeping track of the binky!Henry sleeps on his side. Here he is stretching as I try to wake him up.

Election Results

Here are the results- Dave increased 867 votes from the primary election. David went from 6th to 1st place. He's in! Congratulations Dave!

http://www.cachecounty.org/
click here to see the tally

Vote, Vote, Vote

Vote, Vote, Vote- unless you are a goat, cause goats don't vote
vote, vote, vote- unless you are a felon, cause felons can't vote
That song was dedicated to Lauren and Kate. I'm forever grateful that you introduced me to "making fiends" so I could sing that song every time I think about voting. :) I love having obnoxious songs stuck in my head!

Anyway, it is election day, so wherever you are- GET OUT AND VOTE! I hope my husband will be able to sleep at night after all this is done. He is so sick of people making mean stuff up about him. Last night he was accused of lying at the Radio forum 2 weeks ago. The funny thing is that it was recorded and is on the radio station's website for anyone to hear. So that is a pretty easy thing to prove. When I woke up at midnight to feed Henry, he was still awake because he was so upset about it. He also went outside to get the mail and saw one of the other candidates passing out fliers. He went over to tell her good luck, and she attacked him. She told him that because he was claiming that he would "vote with integrity" that he was implying that the other candidates wouldn't vote with integrity. Her signs say "She listens." He should have told her that implied he didn't listen. The ultimate irony of it all is that not only did she NOT listen to him, she can't stop talking! 20 minutes later he walked inside looking totally deflated. I feel bad for him, but it will all be over tonight. (hopefully)

And now onto the good news......
I am taking a trip to Boston and Maine with my sisters over Christmas break. My Dad booked me a first class ticket yesterday, so I can go with Aimee and Lauren. (They already had their tickets) Thanks Dad! Henry will get to go see our relatives in Maine, and he can spend some time with his aunts too. I'm so excited to go on this fun trip with my sisters!

Another boy cousin!

I am SO excited to announce my sister-in-laws big news. (That doesn't sound normal does it?) Trisha and Zach are having a boy! A big boy at that. He's going to be an awesome football player just like his daddy. That makes 11 boys and 6 girls in the Low family grandkids. I really can't imagine them with a boy, they have the girliest little girl, but I am so happy! Henry will have a cousin in the same grade as him, hopefully they'll come live in Cache Valley again someday so they can go to school together. Congratulations Trisha and Zach, and if you need any boy advice we're here for you! Baby Boy Champlin can have some great hand-me-downs from the Low boys.

EWWWW!

Wow, we had quite a night last night. Dawson and Isaac have had a little stomach bug. Isaac's only lasted one night, but Dawson has had it since Halloween when he threw up on Dave at the Aggie Game. Dawson has always had a very sensitive digestive tract, starting with the colic way back when.

So last night I was changing Henry's diaper when he decided to projectile poop all over my shirt. As I tried to wipe myself off, he peed (which went in the other direction). So I was working on changing my clothes and cleaning up, while Dave played with Dawson on the floor. Then Dawson had a blowout and it got all over Dave's pants. So we went to give Dawson a bath and clean Dave's pants. We were tired, and thought an early bedtime might be nice, but Daws wouldn't go to bed. Over the next hour or two Dawson threw up twice, so we went through two sets of bedding, and had to scrub the carpet (and of course 2 more baths).

We have done more laundry in the last week than I've done in a long time!

Names...

I just realized that I couldn't even remember the meaning of the name Henry. I mean I know that the name is significant no matter what it means, but shouldn't you know the meaning of a name that you name your child? Here are the meanings and significance of our boys names, and a sneak preview on what we might name our next. ;)

Isaac David- Isaac means laughter, but more significantly Isaac was Abraham and Sarah's first born son... and ours too. And of course his middle name after his father.

Dawson Gordon- Dawson means "son of David" and Gordon is his grandfather. David's name is David Gordon, so Dawson Gordon is the closest thing to his name without doing a "jr." It is so fitting for him, and we love his nickname of "Daws"

Henry George- Henry means "ruler of the house" Yikes! I hope he's a good ruler! And of course he was named after his wonderful grandfather and great grandfather George Henry Biada Jr. & Sr. or Georgio Enrico (which is why grandpa George calls him Rico)

And we've already been busy at work on our next boy's name. I would really like the fourth to be a girl, but we think it will probably be a boy and we don't have any girls names we love.

We really like the name Spencer. We are still discussing the middle name. Open to suggestions if you have any. The 2 middle names we have thought of so far are Hinckley and Phillips. (Phillips is a family name) Of course, I told Dave he gets to pick the next name since I picked Henry. So ultimately it's is decision. And things always can change, we aren't 100% on Spencer, it's just the latest idea.

No, this isn't an announcement. I know we like to do things fast, but that would be a little too fast. Honestly, we have no idea when we will try for this #4, we'll take it one day at a time right now. We need to save up for a bigger car if we want another kid, ouch!

Random

I have a bunch of random things to write about, and random pictures to post today. First of all, no one guessed Henry's birthday correctly, so no one wins! But Dede came the closest, good job! I'm actually glad no one guessed it, that was way too early.

Here is a picture of Henry when he left the hospital.
Here is our proud little Buzz Lightyear. After living in this costume for a week, I hope I never have to see it again. But he sure is cute!
How sad that our first family picture is Halloween. But here are the 3 boys together.
Here is a picture of our first Aggie game together. This was the night I thought I would deliver Henry. I actually sat a few rows away from my Dr.- the real one, who can't seem to show up to my deliveries! I gave him a really hard time about it. The funny thing is, he is such a hard worker, he doesn't vacation very much (just when I'm about to deliver). He told me he wasn't surprised at all that I had him so early. He said I should just plan on all my kids coming at 36 weeks, he didn't think I'd ever make it further than that. I'll have to request that he clears his calendar for my 35/36 weeks next time I'm pregnant.
Here is the proud big brother. Do you like that smug look on his face? He feels very comfortable holding Henry.

We had a few minutes of open eyes yesterday, I had to take some pictures. He looks like a little baby bird to me, with those big beady eyes on his scrawny little face and body. He is on his bili-lights in this picture. That's where he is almost all day actually. But I think he's done tomorrow.Pictures just cannot do justice for how small this kid is. It just seems impossible to me how little newborns are. But look at his arm next to mine. And look at how his head fits right into my hand. Now look at your hand and picture a tiny little head sitting inside your palm. That's how small he is. I'm trying to enjoy it while it lasts, my other boys porked right up within a few weeks.

The last thing is the election is coming up on Tuesday. Dave is getting pretty stressed out about it. I'm really excited to see how it goes either way. Hopefully the "other side" doesn't get too mean in their campaigning against him. We'll see.