Aimee Danielle Biada

Words are so hard to come by right now. I don't know how or what to even post, but I know I'll regret it if I don't try to record this. Please forgive my inability to write clearly. It is 6:00 am, and I just can't sleep.

Today marks three months to the day since Jessica died. Yesterday, Aimee joined her. My oldest sister. What is it about oldest children? They have a way of holding a family together, of guiding the younger siblings. I looked to Aimee almost all of my life for advice, for help. She was a good big sister, fulfilling her duties and going far beyond them. She was my best friend for so many years. I miss her so much already, it hasn't even been 24 hours.

As I already posted, Aimee was really sick. We knew that. We knew her time was near. But it all happened so fast. We were supposed to be in Boston yesterday with her, getting makeovers at the mall, and going out to eat at someplace divine. Not spending our last moments with her. I can't seem to get to the point..... I'll try.

I left on Christmas day, aware that it was the last time she would ever recognize me in this life. I said goodbye, I told her the last things I needed to say to her. That doesn't mean I thought she only had 3 more days. I didn't know if I wanted to never leave her side, or escape into my own life and try to forget what was going on with her. But I knew that day that I had to leave. We had to go spend Christmas with the Lows, and they were very sweet to me as I sobbed to them. I felt like I needed to come back, but I couldn't really see the point as Aimee was only awake for a few hours a day, and wasn't coherent during those short hours. Why would I go back only to sit outside her room while she slept? I felt like I needed to though, and so did Dave. He repeatedly asked me when I was coming back down, and we decided that Friday would be a good day.

I woke up Friday, showered, and got Isaac and Henry ready and out the door. As I was driving down to Bountiful, Lauren called and told me to hurry. "Mom says that Aimee has the same look that Jessica had on the day she died." I told her I was on my way, and would be there as quickly as I could.

I walked into the house and went straight to Aimee's room. She was now on an oxygen mask, and her breaths were around 10 seconds apart. It was very similar to the way Jessica was breathing before she died, very laborious, and she lifted and turned her head as she breathed. Her skin was very hot to the touch, she obviously had a fever. The hospice nurse arrived shortly after I did, and she checked all of Aimee's vitals. She asked my Mom how blunt she would like her to be. We all agreed we wanted the truth. "Aimee is actively dying," she said. We knew it wouldn't be long.

We all gathered in the room together, and Aimee received a priesthood blessing releasing her from this life. I don't think it was longer than 30 minutes from that point. Probably less. We read her patriarchal blessing together (Lauren read), and then as she peacefully stopped breathing, Lauren and Kate sang to her the song, "Homeward Bound."

In the quiet, misty morning,
When the moon has gone to bed,
When the sparrows stop their singing,
And the sky is clear and red.

When the summer's ceased its gleaming,
When the corn is past its prime,
When adventure's lost its meaning,
I'll be homeward bound in time.

Bind me not to the pasture,
Chain me not to the plow,
Set me free to find my calling,
And I'll return to you somehow.

If you find it's me your missing,
If you're hoping I'll return,
To your thoughts I'll soon be listning,
in the road I'll stop and turn.

Then the wind will set me racing,
As my journey nears its end,
And the paths I'll be retracing,
When I'm homeward bound again.

Bind me not to the pasture,
Chain me not to the plow,
Set me free to find my calling,
And I'll return to you somehow.

In the quiet, misty morning,
When the moon has gone to bed,
When the sparrows stop their singing,
I'll be homeward bound again.

It was so beautiful. My sister's are so sweet. All of them. As Carrie said, "Jessica was probably right there singing with them." This is one thing that makes me so happy- I know that Jessy was right there to meet Aimee. As soon as she was able, I know Jessica would be there to greet Aimee. And knowing my sister Jess, she would be jumping out of her skin (figuratively) with excitement to show Aimee around. The two are reunited. These two little girls that were born so close together in this life, were born even closer together into the next life.

There was a beautiful feeling of peace that filled the room afterwards. If only we could bottle up that feeling and drink of it when we needed to. It was so sweet. We spent the rest of the day trying to figure out what even happened. It was all too much to comprehend.

We sat with her body in the room for a long time. We just couldn't leave her. She looked beautiful, and peaceful. I studied the features of her face, her hands, her fingers. It's amazing how the very fingers of a person are so unique. Hands are such a part of an individual. I don't want to forget even one of those features of Aimee. I remember doing this with Jessica, and I can still remember the details as I looked at her toes, fingers and lips. It will be such a long time before I see them again. These sisters that I've known my whole life, but won't see again until the next life. She looked so good, I walked by her room at one point and started asking her where Dad was. Then I said out loud, "You can't answer me can you." But answer or no, I liked having her there. I didn't want them to take her away. But of course they had to. This is the natural course.

We had a family meeting to plan the "Aimee Life Celebration Trip." This was Aimee's idea to help us be happier after she died. She wanted us to sell her house, and use the money to go on a "kick butt" vacation. I thought it would be fun to begin planning where we wanted to go. We enjoyed discussing all the different possibilities. We're leaning towards Cancun right now at one of the palace resorts. But nothing has been decided of course. It was a fun discussion, but when it was over, she was still gone. It didn't really make up for that. But it is such a sweet thing for her to do for us. And it's nice to have something to think about that is happy. Thank you Aimee.

I still can't believe this has happened. I don't even know what else to write. I'm so sad. We all are.
Aimee, Jessica, and I when we were sealed to our parents for time and all eternity at the Washington DC temple. It's such a blessing to be sealed together, I'm so grateful for the sealing powers of the priesthood.


Aimee and I on the day Josh was sealed to us at the Bountiful Temple