Wow, lots of remembering in the month of September. My family released purple balloons at the cemetery on Jessica's birthday, and green balloons today for Aimee's birthday. Those were their favorite colors throughout their life.
Aimee loved my blog. She wouldn't have liked having her birthday card written on it though. But somehow I feel like it's more likely to get to her if it's on my blog, so here it is.
Happy Birthday Aimee! To the my big sister, and the rightful oldest child of the family, I hope you had a great day. I wonder what it's like for you, maybe you don't celebrate your birthday on September 30th anymore, maybe it's December 28th now. Either way, September 30th will always be when WE celebrate your birthday, we'll never forget it.
Today you would turn 34. It would have been a tainted birthday, I'm glad you don't have to deal with that. Last year you very gracefully tried to keep the attention off of yourself even though it was your birthday. We did have cheesecake though. I wanted to make one from scratch. Instead we bought one from Costco. We thought you were safe from your cancer, surely the Lord wouldn't take you both. I never imagined we'd be celebrating this birthday without you here. We wish you were here. But really, we know you are. Thank you for staying close and watching over our family. It makes us very happy. We can't wait to see you again.
Happy Birthday!
Love,
Ery
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Obsessed
I am officially obsessed wanting to know this baby's gender. I've been through all the old wive's tales, and all the new ones too. I even had my natural medicine neighbor test my body to see what she thought I was having. I have an ultrasound scheduled in a month, and I am not telling anyone when it is. Nor am I going to poll you all to see what you think it is. I don't want anyone's input, I just want an ultrasound. And I just hope I can be happy with the results. I really do want to have a girl next. But I had that strong feeling at the beginning of this pregnancy that it was a boy.
So in the mean time all I can do is ramble on my blog, and waste time obsessing over what it might or might not be! And count down until my ultrasound. I've even considered making a paper chain and cutting down one link per day so I could see progress. **SIGH** I'm obsessed.
And here is a picture of my baby bump. It's really bigger in real life, I think the camera took off 5 pounds from my gut. I guess I should be glad that on the record, I won't look as fat!
So in the mean time all I can do is ramble on my blog, and waste time obsessing over what it might or might not be! And count down until my ultrasound. I've even considered making a paper chain and cutting down one link per day so I could see progress. **SIGH** I'm obsessed.
And here is a picture of my baby bump. It's really bigger in real life, I think the camera took off 5 pounds from my gut. I guess I should be glad that on the record, I won't look as fat!
Sunday, September 28, 2008
One Year
Today, Monday, September 29th, marks one year from the time Jessy died. Today, here are some things I am grateful for:
-That we are one year closer to seeing her again. I figure with every passing day, that brings us one day closer to the time when we get to be with her again, however that may be
-That she is healthy, no more sickness for her.
-That Aimee doesn't have to celebrate her birthday (tomorrow) with tainted feelings about how sad that day was last year.
-That I can play the piano and remember her. She played almost all the same songs that I play (She played many more than me too.) When I play sometimes I picture her craving the piano. I'm sure she does. I hope she gets some satisfaction from her sisters playing.
-That I have two incredible younger sisters whom I adore (And surprisingly enough they seem to adore me too, strange I know.) With the big hole that Aimee and Jessica left in our family, we have two little girls who have become more significant in our family as they grow up. They fill in a lot of that gap for me as they become more like friends and less like little girls who get into my stuff and ruin my makeup (Ahem Kate, don't touch my makeup anymore!) Lauren is 16, gets her license this week, wears the same size jeans as me, allowed me to help her ask to the dance this week, and is turning into one of my best friends. And Kate... wishes she was 16, getting her license this week, wearing the same size jeans as me, allowing me to help her ask to the dance this week, and seriously, how could you not love her for it! On this day that I remember the loss of not just one, but two sisters, I am so grateful that my Mom suffered through two miserable pregnancies in her forties to provide me with these two little sisters to hold our family together and to my sisters for being so awesome... all of them!
-That all the death stuff is behind us (hopefully.) It seemed like so much to deal with in just one year, but then I think about dealing with it one year, and then doing it again a few years later. I'm glad the girls left together. I know that there will be plenty more death in my life, but those were two VERY significant deaths, and I'm glad I got to heal the two wounds together.
I am so blessed, I have a hard time feeling sad today. I feel more grateful. I wish Jessica were here, but I understand that the Lord is merciful, and has blessed us tremendously through all of our trials.
-That we are one year closer to seeing her again. I figure with every passing day, that brings us one day closer to the time when we get to be with her again, however that may be
-That she is healthy, no more sickness for her.
-That Aimee doesn't have to celebrate her birthday (tomorrow) with tainted feelings about how sad that day was last year.
-That I can play the piano and remember her. She played almost all the same songs that I play (She played many more than me too.) When I play sometimes I picture her craving the piano. I'm sure she does. I hope she gets some satisfaction from her sisters playing.
-That I have two incredible younger sisters whom I adore (And surprisingly enough they seem to adore me too, strange I know.) With the big hole that Aimee and Jessica left in our family, we have two little girls who have become more significant in our family as they grow up. They fill in a lot of that gap for me as they become more like friends and less like little girls who get into my stuff and ruin my makeup (Ahem Kate, don't touch my makeup anymore!) Lauren is 16, gets her license this week, wears the same size jeans as me, allowed me to help her ask to the dance this week, and is turning into one of my best friends. And Kate... wishes she was 16, getting her license this week, wearing the same size jeans as me, allowing me to help her ask to the dance this week, and seriously, how could you not love her for it! On this day that I remember the loss of not just one, but two sisters, I am so grateful that my Mom suffered through two miserable pregnancies in her forties to provide me with these two little sisters to hold our family together and to my sisters for being so awesome... all of them!
-That all the death stuff is behind us (hopefully.) It seemed like so much to deal with in just one year, but then I think about dealing with it one year, and then doing it again a few years later. I'm glad the girls left together. I know that there will be plenty more death in my life, but those were two VERY significant deaths, and I'm glad I got to heal the two wounds together.
I am so blessed, I have a hard time feeling sad today. I feel more grateful. I wish Jessica were here, but I understand that the Lord is merciful, and has blessed us tremendously through all of our trials.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Wall Street Journal- Personality by States
Click here to see the interactive guide to the personality of the states
Utah did really well in all areas. High in the good areas, and low in neuroticism. No wonder it's such a great place to live!
Utah did really well in all areas. High in the good areas, and low in neuroticism. No wonder it's such a great place to live!
Oh my, where's my blog moderator?
So I didn't even realize how weird it was to be calling this baby a boy. I'm just assuming, i really don't know. I just can't imagine it being anything else with our history. I'm out of town, so my blog moderator (Dave) wasn't here to tell me how weird I am. We'll hopefully find out for sure if it's a boy in about a month. I just think of this baby as a he, so I called it that. I think I'll change the title of my last post to "Busy Little Baby." And it's not that I wouldn't love a little girl, I just don't think that this is a girl. And when I do have my girl someday, that poor thing will probably be called a "good boy" all the time. It's hard not to use the male phrases when you're surrounded by boys.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Busy little baby
This baby is very busy already. I keep calling him a busy little baby when I feel him flip-flopping around. I can't understand how I feel my babies so early and some other people can barely feel them at 5 months. I can't NOT feel them. Especially this one, wow, he just keeps on going! The only good thing that can come from this is that Isaac and Henry were my other "movers and shakers" in their fetal form, and happy little babies after birth. I can only hope that this baby will take after them, and that the Lord won't expect us to have TWO Dawsons. I'm feeling a little too content with the number four right now, and another Dawson might throw me over the edge on that decision. (Not that my husband would ever agree to stopping at four!) And don't get me wrong, I love my Dawson, but life would be much simpler if there were more Bubbas and less Dawsons. KWIM?
It is very comforting to feel my baby so early on, I know the baby is safe at the moment when he is pushing and kicking and flipping around inside me. :)
It is very comforting to feel my baby so early on, I know the baby is safe at the moment when he is pushing and kicking and flipping around inside me. :)
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Not much time or energy to post
Ughh, this first trimester business is always tough on the blogs. Frequently when people are slacking in their blogging, I wonder if they are pregnant. Well, this will be a fairly lame post, with a few random things I want to record
1. Isaac rides his bike without training wheels. REALLY well, I might add. I am amazed, it seems like I was 6 before I learned that.
2. Bubba says a word.... "Uh-oh." But he doesn't say it very well. Most of the time he screeches out "Uh-Uh!" But he is trying, and it is very cute to watch his face, he is SO proud.
3. I just had a brilliant idea come to me for my baby's birth announcement. Only if it's a boy though, if it's a girl I have no ideas. Maybe that's a good thing. I don't spend all my time day-dreaming that it's a girl, that would set me up for disappointment I think. SO, if I'm right, and it's a boy, I have a great name for him, and a great birth announcement with an awesome theme to it! I'm excited. We do however, have a girl's name picked out for the first time since I was pregnant with Isaac. So we are somewhat prepared for a girl, just not getting too carried away.
4. I held my next door neighbors baby boy the other night, and was in absolute heaven! My best friend, Carrie, is due any minute with her baby boy. I can't wait for him to be born, I just LOVE babies! And I crave the delivery/newborn experience. I love those first 24 hours with my brand new baby, wondering what on earth just happened as I was still supposed to be pregnant, but still SO grateful it's all over with, and feeling 100x better (even hours after delivering a baby, I feel better than the majority of my pregnant days!) I can't wait for that feeling, too bad I still have at least 5.5 months left.... and that's expecting another early delivery. *SIGH*
5. Maybe I'll take pictures again someday. But don't get your hopes up.
1. Isaac rides his bike without training wheels. REALLY well, I might add. I am amazed, it seems like I was 6 before I learned that.
2. Bubba says a word.... "Uh-oh." But he doesn't say it very well. Most of the time he screeches out "Uh-Uh!" But he is trying, and it is very cute to watch his face, he is SO proud.
3. I just had a brilliant idea come to me for my baby's birth announcement. Only if it's a boy though, if it's a girl I have no ideas. Maybe that's a good thing. I don't spend all my time day-dreaming that it's a girl, that would set me up for disappointment I think. SO, if I'm right, and it's a boy, I have a great name for him, and a great birth announcement with an awesome theme to it! I'm excited. We do however, have a girl's name picked out for the first time since I was pregnant with Isaac. So we are somewhat prepared for a girl, just not getting too carried away.
4. I held my next door neighbors baby boy the other night, and was in absolute heaven! My best friend, Carrie, is due any minute with her baby boy. I can't wait for him to be born, I just LOVE babies! And I crave the delivery/newborn experience. I love those first 24 hours with my brand new baby, wondering what on earth just happened as I was still supposed to be pregnant, but still SO grateful it's all over with, and feeling 100x better (even hours after delivering a baby, I feel better than the majority of my pregnant days!) I can't wait for that feeling, too bad I still have at least 5.5 months left.... and that's expecting another early delivery. *SIGH*
5. Maybe I'll take pictures again someday. But don't get your hopes up.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Happy Birthday dear Jessica!
Happy Birthday Jessica! You would be 32. I would wish you to be here still, but that would have meant another year of sickness. And with me having experienced only a few weeks of a similar sickness these last few weeks, I wouldn't wish that on you. In 11 days it will be the one year mark of your death. One year that you have spent feeling fantastic for the first time in 31 years, and enjoying yourself so much you have forgotten to write home! So on this your birthday, and as we approach the year mark of your death, I don't feel sorry for you, but I can selfishly miss your huge smiling, dimpled face (as you LOVED birthdays) on this, your 32nd birthday.
And just so no one forgets that huge, dimpled smile, here is a picture of you and Mom.
Make sure to give her lots of hugs just like that today......... and write home, will ya?
We miss you, Happy Birthday Jess!
And just so no one forgets that huge, dimpled smile, here is a picture of you and Mom.
Make sure to give her lots of hugs just like that today......... and write home, will ya?
We miss you, Happy Birthday Jess!
Monday, September 15, 2008
Blog Moderator
My husband is the Great Blog Moderator. He always lets me know if the things I post sound stupid or weird. He fixes my typos too. Well, he informed me that I made it sound like my boys come from different parents. Calling Isaac 1/4 Italian and Dawson Scandinavian. I merely meant that those are the genetics that shine through. Dawson doesn't appear to have any Italian features, so I just don't think I passed those on to him.
I assure you all, if you were concerned about it, all four of our children come from the same two parents. There has been no question about that, so don't worry. :) And special thanks to the Great Blog Moderator Dave. :)
I assure you all, if you were concerned about it, all four of our children come from the same two parents. There has been no question about that, so don't worry. :) And special thanks to the Great Blog Moderator Dave. :)
Monday, September 8, 2008
Bear Lake- bored- Albinos
This weekend Dave took the older boys to Bear Lake and I stayed home with Bubba. It was lovely having quiet and sweet Bubba on Friday night, but by Saturday afternoon I realized in part what makes Henry so happy and easy..... BROTHERS! He was bored to tears without his brothers, he just crawled around looking for something exciting, and then he'd look at me and start whining. He was so bored with just me, and to be honest, I was pretty bored too. I watched a whole bunch of movies and realized that my life was pretty boring without those boys.
The big boys had a great time in Bear Lake. And even in this cold weather, when no one else even got any color, Dawson got a sunburn. Sunscreen never crossed anyone's mind with this weather, but poor Dawson has that Scandinavian skin that is essentially clear, and burns any time it makes unprotected contact with sun. Isaac, on the other hand, is 1/4 Italian, and that saves him. He didn't even show any signs that he had been in the sun. I don't think Isaac has ever been burned. But that can also be attributed to his mother's obsessive sunscreening habits. Sorry Dawson, I wish I got to choose your genetic makeup. I never would have chosen albino for you!
The big boys had a great time in Bear Lake. And even in this cold weather, when no one else even got any color, Dawson got a sunburn. Sunscreen never crossed anyone's mind with this weather, but poor Dawson has that Scandinavian skin that is essentially clear, and burns any time it makes unprotected contact with sun. Isaac, on the other hand, is 1/4 Italian, and that saves him. He didn't even show any signs that he had been in the sun. I don't think Isaac has ever been burned. But that can also be attributed to his mother's obsessive sunscreening habits. Sorry Dawson, I wish I got to choose your genetic makeup. I never would have chosen albino for you!
Friday, September 5, 2008
Teaching Isaac to read
I heard about this book from some of my friends, and it came highly recommended from the reading specialists and teachers at our elementary school. I have been feeling like a huge slacker for not teaching Isaac to read yet. I just think the earlier he can read, the earlier he can begin expanding his mind learning through books. My mother taught me to read pretty early, and I never had any problems with reading in school.
I love this book so far! It is only day 2. But I think we'll try to do two-a-days as much as possible. That will give Isaac and I a chance to learn together morning and night. The lessons are short. Probably 5-10 minutes, so it's quite easy to hold his attention. And by the end of Lesson 3 today, he read his first word: am. I am so proud of him! I love the style of the lessons, it is more effective than any other technique I have used in teaching Isaac to read (not that I've tried too hard), but this makes it easy to be a teacher, and easy to not get frustrated.
So hopefully in less than 100 days, my boy will be reading. I can't wait.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
If you think my hands are full, you should see my heart
I have frequently had people comment about how full our hands are here with all these little monkeys around. Sometimes it almost comes across as an insult. Kind of like, "Hey crazy-head, didn't you get the memo on BIRTH CONTROL!" Sometimes people say it more in awe, wondering how I do it.
We have friends who just had identical twin girls the same day their older boy turned 14 months. He still barely walks! I found myself shaking my head in awe thinking, "Wow, they have their hands full!"
But then I remembered the old saying that I have used as a comeback a few times, "If you think my hands are full, you should see my heart." I realized that those friends, just like us, are busy and tired, but their house is so full of love and happiness with all those babies. It makes it all worth it, it really does!
My little monkeys make me so happy, they are what makes my crazy life worth living. It's 10:13 am. Already this morning I got to be the first person Isaac and Dawson yelled for when they woke up. I had the pleasure of walking into Henry's room, only to find he is wide awake and quietly playing in his crib like he does 90% of the time when he wakes up. (I wonder how long he does that, he is so quiet I never know what time he wakes up) I got to see their faces light up when I made them french toast, and when I let them have a drink of my special juice- a simple breakfast that they think is a great delicacy. I watched Dawson try to take all of Isaac's clothes in hopes that he could keep him home from school with him. And I saw Isaac pick the strangest outfits I could imagine before I intervened, which really made me laugh. Then I had the pleasure of watching that smug look on Isaac's face as he walked out the door to school, without his "baby" brothers who aren't nearly as old and cool as him. In fact, yesterday Isaac referred to himself as a "grownup." Already today I have told Henry 3 times how fun he is, and shook my head at how ridiculously easy and happy he is. That kid amazes me.
By 10:13 am, I have probably laughed as much as an average person might in a whole day. These kids are so funny, and so much fun, I am so grateful to be their Mom.
It's now 10:31 and Henry just went down for a nap. It's just me and Daws, and I'm going to try to convince him to take off his Lightning McQueen pajama top for the first time in 48 hours (The first time he takes it off, definitely not the first time I've tried to convince him:)
This life is crazy, but I've chosen it, and it sure is full of love. I get lots of hugs and kisses and tons of snuggles every day. And I know it won't be long before all that will be way too embarrassing, and I'll be an old mom who doesn't understand teenagers. So I'm enjoying it while I can. I can't wait to throw another little monkey into the mix, it will be way fun to see four of them together. And the sooner this baby comes, the sooner I can feel good again. Uggh, the pregnancy part of parenting is definitely the hardest for me.
ps another thing people frequently say to me is, "Oh I hope it's a girl!" Which makes me very flustered because I think we're having another boy, and I feel bad for him that everyone wants him to be a girl. So keep that comment to yourself please, even though I know it comes with good intentions.
We have friends who just had identical twin girls the same day their older boy turned 14 months. He still barely walks! I found myself shaking my head in awe thinking, "Wow, they have their hands full!"
But then I remembered the old saying that I have used as a comeback a few times, "If you think my hands are full, you should see my heart." I realized that those friends, just like us, are busy and tired, but their house is so full of love and happiness with all those babies. It makes it all worth it, it really does!
My little monkeys make me so happy, they are what makes my crazy life worth living. It's 10:13 am. Already this morning I got to be the first person Isaac and Dawson yelled for when they woke up. I had the pleasure of walking into Henry's room, only to find he is wide awake and quietly playing in his crib like he does 90% of the time when he wakes up. (I wonder how long he does that, he is so quiet I never know what time he wakes up) I got to see their faces light up when I made them french toast, and when I let them have a drink of my special juice- a simple breakfast that they think is a great delicacy. I watched Dawson try to take all of Isaac's clothes in hopes that he could keep him home from school with him. And I saw Isaac pick the strangest outfits I could imagine before I intervened, which really made me laugh. Then I had the pleasure of watching that smug look on Isaac's face as he walked out the door to school, without his "baby" brothers who aren't nearly as old and cool as him. In fact, yesterday Isaac referred to himself as a "grownup." Already today I have told Henry 3 times how fun he is, and shook my head at how ridiculously easy and happy he is. That kid amazes me.
By 10:13 am, I have probably laughed as much as an average person might in a whole day. These kids are so funny, and so much fun, I am so grateful to be their Mom.
It's now 10:31 and Henry just went down for a nap. It's just me and Daws, and I'm going to try to convince him to take off his Lightning McQueen pajama top for the first time in 48 hours (The first time he takes it off, definitely not the first time I've tried to convince him:)
This life is crazy, but I've chosen it, and it sure is full of love. I get lots of hugs and kisses and tons of snuggles every day. And I know it won't be long before all that will be way too embarrassing, and I'll be an old mom who doesn't understand teenagers. So I'm enjoying it while I can. I can't wait to throw another little monkey into the mix, it will be way fun to see four of them together. And the sooner this baby comes, the sooner I can feel good again. Uggh, the pregnancy part of parenting is definitely the hardest for me.
ps another thing people frequently say to me is, "Oh I hope it's a girl!" Which makes me very flustered because I think we're having another boy, and I feel bad for him that everyone wants him to be a girl. So keep that comment to yourself please, even though I know it comes with good intentions.
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