3 years and Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday dear Aimee. It would be 36. Sometimes I spend a few minutes pretending like she's here and I go through in my mind giving her a gift and chatting with her for her birthday. I give her a hug and then hand her a present. The room is quiet with anticipation as she unwraps it carefully. A tiny gasp as she sees what it is and she's so excited. "I love it Erica!" she says and we both smile at each other. "Happy Birthday!" I say, "Thanks for being the best big sister ever." Then we tease each other with some inside jokes, and I tell her all the funny things about my boys.

• Today, right as I stepped out of the shower (always a little nerve wracking to shower and have no clue what your boys are up to), my boys ran in and asked if I knew the "two guys." "Are they at our house?" I ask. "Yes." they say. I comb through my brain trying to figure out who the two guys are. Missionaries? I RUSH to get dressed "You know the one guy with the glasses?" Do I? "Are they INSIDE our house?" "Yeah, I took the one guy to my room." "The guys are in your room?" I start getting panicky.
  
  The whole conversation was about LEGO guys. One with glasses. At our house. Inside our house. In Dawson's room. Not creepy anymore when I know it's LEGO guys.

Then Aimee and I laugh together about my crazy adventures with little boys. And she tells me she just wants one girl. And I tell her that someone better have some girls in this family, because it doesn't seem to be me!

Then we walk into the other room where there is a fantastic dinner there prepared by my dad. And the dinner table is overflowing with plates and folding chairs. And we eat until we're stuffed but somehow make room for cheesecake afterward.

Then I drive my kids home without a care in the world (This is a daydream of course). I'm not worried about my mom or siblings.

When I come to I realize that nothing like this will happen in this lifetime. But I realize that there are wonderful things in our future still, even without those three family members. And I just can't wait to have my mom move up here so I won't worry about her as much... in just three weeks. (Sorry to Mindy, whose brother is moving out of his house to let my mom move in)

Yesterday was the 3 year mark of Jessica's passing. Wow.

A couple recently told us that all 5 of their children are married. They had planned their whole life to say a certain thing to them all when they had finally all gathered together in the Temple. "No empty chairs." When they got there, he was so happy he couldn't even say it through his tears. His wife had to say it.

To be honest, I thought it was kind of a goofy thing to plan to say. But the more I thought about it, the more I loved it. If we gather the Biada family together now, we can all fit at the table. We may even need a folding chair or two. But it's not that overflowing, squished together, turn your shoulders to the side before you scoot in kind of full. Sometimes, it will feel like there are lots of empty chairs even when the table is full. "No empty chairs in the eternities." seems so much more crucial when you get a little taste of what it would be like through this experience on Earth. It's not good. It's just not. It is sad. It feels unfair sometimes. But at least it's only temporary. And because of that I pray with all my heart that there are no empty chairs in the eternities. I pray that each of my siblings, and all of my children, and all of my loved ones make the choice to be worthy and sealed in the temple. And then when we get to the other side we can gather together for birthdays and family parties at an overflowing table again and make up for lost time.