Somethings that bug me

My dad asked me to give back this amplifier that he gave us because we weren't going to use it.
I bet that was a week before he died.
I didn't give it back.
And now I can't.
And he doesn't want it now.
And I probably won't use it ever.
And I miss him.

I saw a guy at Macey's walking out with groceries.
He looked like my dad.
Anyone with a bald head and white mustache looks like my dad to me.

And I still keep hoping he's gonna call.
In fact one day this week the phone rang as I was thinking about him.
I said out loud, "That's my dad."
It wasn't.

Sometimes I entertain the thought that he will still call and tell us we were tricked.
In my mind my eyes well up with tears and I say,
"Dad you have no idea what we've been through the last 8 weeks."
And then we catch up on all that has transpired.
It takes us hours of course.
And then a week later or so I go visit them like nothing has happened.
And we talk about fruit trees and basements and new.familysearch.org.
And when I leave he gives me a hug and kiss and tells me he loves me like every other time I left.

Has anyone called his phone lately?
Maybe he would answer.
He had that number longer than anyone else I know has had a cell number.
I think he had it for 17 years.
Does someone else have it now?

I hate death.
It seems really cruel to separate people who don't want to be separated.

But REALLY, all in all, I'm doing really well.
Doesn't mean certain things don't bother me.

Good thing I have a cute baby.
Who just walked into the wall with a big grin.
Not grinning anymore.