Tuesday, November 29, 2011
39 weeks
Next week is my due date. Took Walker for a weight check today (dr ordered 3 weekly weight checks). He weighed 7 lbs 6 oz. He's right on track to be 7.5 pounds at 5 weeks. Over 2 pounds weight gain in 5 weeks. Healthy baby! He does have a little cold, but nothing in his lungs so far, so not too worried. Love this little boy. He's sleeping on my chest right now. I'm blessed.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
The story of Walker's birth
Warning- graphic in nature
I have typed up every tedious detail in his birth story. I love to remember these things for later.
The short version is that the week before he was born I went to L&D thinking I was leaking fluid, they told me no. A few days later the leak became obvious right after I got Isaac off to school. I laid in bed not wanting to lose any fluid and hoping that I could stay at the hospital and keep him inside for awhile. We kept him in for 2 more days, long enough for 2 more steroid shots to kick in, and induced on Thursday Oct 27th. Contractions became regular by 8:30 am and he was born at 11:25 am without an epidural. He stayed in my room with me for an hour and then they took him to the NICU.
The long, tediously detailed version
On Thursday night (10/20) we took a trip to L&D. For two days I had noticed that things were quite drippy, unlike anything I have ever experienced in pregnancy. I agonized over it, pretty much knowing that they wouldn't find anything, but worrying about the what if. My sister in law spent a lot of time talking it over with me, and we decided it was best to know for sure what was going on. So Dave and I went in for a very quick visit to L&D. It was only an hour and a half, they did two tests which were negative for amniotic fluid. I was monitored with practically no contractions the whole time. We went home and moved on. Every night though, when I would get up for my potty breaks, I would feel like an accumulation came out. I would turn on the lights, get all stressed as I tried to figure out what was going on. I even used ph strips, but the ph just wasn't high enough. On Monday night, the same thing happened, but I was sick of waking up for nothing, so I just ignored it and went back to sleep after my potty breaks.
I woke up at 6:00 am, as I had been doing most of the time. I just couldn't sleep in for some reason. Did my regular morning thing, ate breakfast, checked stuff online, got Isaac to school, and I was hoping to slip a bath in before getting Henry off to school. I went into my bathroom for my hourly visit, and as I was more alert this time, I noticed more dripping. I thought about it for a minute, and then I squatted on my bathroom floor and put my hand underneath me. It was pretty wet. I knew immediately it was all over. I laid right in my bed, squeezed my legs together, and started making phone calls.
I first called Dave at work. He was teaching, but I had the secretary interrupt him. I told him my water broke and I think he pretty much walked right out of his class. He was in the car and on his way so fast! I then called my mom and asked her to come watch the kids. Next I called Brooke, my sister in law, and asked her to come up and drive me to the hospital. She is a nurse, so I felt really comfortable with her driving me. Her kids are also in school, so I knew it wouldn't be too hard.
Lastly I was going to call the dr's office. I realized that it was Tuesday, which is my ob's surgery day. I just didn't feel like talking to a nurse. I remembered that my ob had given me his cell phone number. So I called it! He was going to be spending the morning shopping with his wife, and then coming in for surgery. I asked him if I could stay pregnant and he told me that if I hadn't delivered by the following day I would be induced. I begged him to reconsider. He told me he'd see me at the hospital.
I was so sad. I really didn't feel ready to have a baby. I knew it wasn't time yet. I felt totally puzzled as to why it happened. I wished I could just go back to sleep and wake up having not happened.
My little Dawson overheard my phone conversations and was worried. He kept asking me if I was excited to see baby Walker. He couldn't understand why I said no. Poor kid, kids hate seeing their mom upset.
Brooke came up quickly, and helped me get ready. She got me clean underwear and clothes and dressed me. She packed the remaining things in my bag. All the while, I was laying in bed trying to keep my fluid inside. My mom arrived, and so did Dave. Dave was just so panicked that I was going to deliver in the car. I told him it wasn't urgent, I wasn't in labor. I walked outside and Brooke had the car nice and warm for me. I reclined the seat so I was laying down as much as possible, and off we went to the hospital.
When we arrived, I somehow kept questioning myself. Did this really happen? I kept asking if Brooke thought I was faking it. I walked up to the window at L&D and she started asking for my information. Then she asked if I was okay to stand there. I told her not really, so she wrote down my name and said she would take care of the rest. It was SO nice of her. I went back and got a room. I laid down and I believe my first nurse was the manager of the floor. She tested me for fluid, and it was positive. I laid perfectly still. She asked me if my blood pressure was typically high. I told her it was never high. I can't remember for sure what the reading was, but it was quite high. A few readings later it had gone back to normal. I think I was so stressed out about everything that caused it to be high, but having settled in at the hospital, I was calmed down a bit.
I was given a "rescue dose" of betamethasone for his lungs. My doctor agreed to consult with a perinatologist in Ogden about my situation and see if he thought waiting to deliver was okay. They wouldn't stop labor, but the wouldn't force it either. I chose to not leave my bed the entire day, I used a bedpan even to avoid it. My dr gave me a quick ultrasound and it showed that there were small pockets of fluid still, so it was definitely a leak. He told me that the baby would continue to make fluid.
Brooke stayed with me through the day. Dave was a little stressed, so I sent him out to do some things. I really wondered if Dave would see the birth or if labor would start and he wouldn't have time to make it back to the hospital. I had a hair appt that morning that I missed, and that evening, my wonderful hair dresser came and did my hair so I would look pretty for delivery. Contractions came that night for a few hours, they were pretty close together, 3 minutes I think, but then they went away. Some time that evening Mel the NICU nurse came in to talk with me. He said, "You're going to ask me when you're going home and I'm going to ask you when your due date is." I kept reassuring him that it wouldn't be that long, that I had healthy preemies. He said 3 weeks minimum. I was determined to prove him wrong and I did. We made it home in 2.5 weeks! But he did make me very worried. I was choking back tears.
The next morning came and I was still pregnant. And ultrasound tech came and checked everything out. He measured 33 weeks, and 5 lbs 4 oz. She said his head was nice and round. My fluid had replenished so well that I was in the normal range. Normal is between 7 and 28, and I was at 14. I wasn't leaking as much anymore, so I felt pretty stable. The perinatologist said if I wanted to wait until 35 weeks I could unless I developed an infection. But he recommended delivering 24 hours after a second dose of betamethasone. My doctor said, "The only thing worse than a preterm baby is an infected preterm baby." The decision was between delivering Thursday and waiting until Monday. I leaned toward the first option and Dave leaned toward the second. But both doctors preferred the first option, so I decided to go with that. I didn't like the idea of risking infection. Knowing what I know now after seeing infected babies in the NICU, I feel SO good about that decision.
I had the BEST nurses throughout this process. They were all so nice, and so capable.
Dr. Fowers told me to take a shower on Wednesday and do a little walking Thursday morning to see what happened. Oddly, it didn't start any contractions at all. So Pitocin was started around 7:30 or 7:45.
My nurse was named Dawn, and I don't think I could have had anyone better for my labor. She thought it was so weird to be blasting me with pitocin at 34 weeks, it's uncommon. She started it slow, and didn't have to turn it up too high before the contractions started at 3 minutes apart. I think they started a little after 8:00. She said the average person gets up in the high teens, low twenties of pitocin, but I was in labor at only 8. She checked my cervix and it was 3 cm and 60% effaced. My doctor came in a few minutes later and said I was 3 and 80%. She looked skeptical, but thought perhaps I had changed that quickly. I asked him to check to see if there was a forebag, which there was, so he broke it. That's why I hadn't been leaking as much.
I not only got to have my ob there, but also my pediatrician. They stuck around for awhile thinking it might be only a few minutes, but it wasn't quite as fast as we imagined. In the first hour I mostly sat on the ball, and it wasn't too bad. I changed from 3 to 5 cm and maybe 80% effaced. I tried hard to empty my bladder as much as possible so he could drop. I worked to get Dave to support me through contractions, which he wasn't too excited about, but he did it. I called Brooke and asked her to come since I wasn't sure how much help Dave would be, and my mom was with the kids. I spent the second hour on the ball as well, and after an hour of pain there was no change. I was disappointed.
I should say that these contractions were not painful for very long. I pulled out the contraction app to see if they were even long enough to be doing anything. It only hurt for about 20-30 seconds at the peak, the rest was fine. In between contractions I felt great. So while it wasn't pain free by any means, it was totally do able. I just kept thinking about my friend Carrie and how she had a natural birth with her water broken and pitocin. She told me I could do it too, and I held onto that when I was feeling pain.
Dawn told me if I could get him to drop it would be over fast. I asked for some Fentanyl. She came to put it through my IV, and I changed my mind. Mostly because I didn't like the idea of feeling better for awhile, and then feeling worse again. It seemed like it might be better to just stay in pain. She increased my pitocin to 10. So I decided to move around a little more and see if he would drop. I got on my hands and knees, sat up, laid in the lateral position, sat on the ball, and even tried a contraction on the toilet which I hated. She checked me and said I was completely thinned out and a 6.
Dawn asked if I was feeling pressure with my contractions and I told her I was. She called the doctor. This was 11 minutes before he was born. I felt more pressure and went to the bathroom. The contractions were coming really close now and I was cranky about it. I didn't want them so close, even though I knew it meant the end was almost there. When I came out of the bathroom, the doctor walked in. I laid down and he checked me at 7 cm 100% effaced and 0 station. I was sad because I thought I should be ready to push. When I said that my doctor told me I didn't have to wait until I was 10 cm to push. Little did I know it was only 6 more minutes until he was born. The nurse called the pediatrician in saying it was close, and he was only in the room for a minute before birth. It was all perfect timing.
I had a terrible contraction in which I bit Dave on the chest. I knew that was a stupid thing to do, so I bit his shirt on the side and tried not to scream. The contraction ended, but the pain didn't really go away. I was so mad to not have a break in between contractions that when the next one came I started saying, "I can't, I can't, I can't." After 10 second of that contraction, the pain was unbearable. I was waiting for the urge to push, but I didn't feel it. No one told me I could push, I was waiting for someone to tell me to. But when that pain was unbearable I made the decision mid-contraction to just push. Exactly 15 seconds later he was born. One push was all it took. I won't lie, it hurt pretty darn bad. But when he was all out it felt so much better.
He was blue and not crying at first. Dr. Fowers was suctioning him out and he let out a small, gurgly cry. He showed him to me really fast, and then took him over to the NICU nurse and my pediatrician. They cleaned him up a little, puffed out his lungs a little, and weighed him. Would you believe his weight was exactly what the ultrasound predicted? I was impressed. Dr. O'very looked at the bottoms of his feet and declared that we were looking at a true 34 weeker. I guess he was hoping my dates were off and we would have an older baby.
My natural childbirth (forced by Pitocin) took only 3.5 hours. And I did it! The last few minutes were so painful, but I really don't need an epidural for only a 10 minutes.
Now I was told that there was no chance I would nurse this little guy in my L&D room. They would take him straight to the NICU. But my cute NICU nurse, Wendy said, "I'm going to let him stay and play for an hour." So I got to keep him in there and nurse him. He took awhile to find any interest, but he did nurse and it was awesome. I was so pleased.
When they handed him to me for the first time, I was startled. He didn't look at all like I expected him to. In fact, I said that he didn't even look like he was mine. Wendy assured me he hadn't left the room, so he must be mine. His face looked so long and skinny, and his hair is a little darker than even Henry's I think. I actually thought he was kind of funny looking. I thought that for most of the first day. Now he looks like a 50/50 split of Henry and G. to me. He has the eyelashes like G. (hopefully stays that way), dark hair like Henry, face shape like Henry, but head shape more like G. Eyes like....all of them looked the same at that age. No dimples, and only a small cleft in the chin. Nose, I would say like Henry. Now of course, I think he's beautiful.
I felt so good after delivery that I hopped off the bed and walked upstairs. I was very pleased with the whole process and very happy that I felt so good.
I have typed up every tedious detail in his birth story. I love to remember these things for later.
The short version is that the week before he was born I went to L&D thinking I was leaking fluid, they told me no. A few days later the leak became obvious right after I got Isaac off to school. I laid in bed not wanting to lose any fluid and hoping that I could stay at the hospital and keep him inside for awhile. We kept him in for 2 more days, long enough for 2 more steroid shots to kick in, and induced on Thursday Oct 27th. Contractions became regular by 8:30 am and he was born at 11:25 am without an epidural. He stayed in my room with me for an hour and then they took him to the NICU.
The long, tediously detailed version
On Thursday night (10/20) we took a trip to L&D. For two days I had noticed that things were quite drippy, unlike anything I have ever experienced in pregnancy. I agonized over it, pretty much knowing that they wouldn't find anything, but worrying about the what if. My sister in law spent a lot of time talking it over with me, and we decided it was best to know for sure what was going on. So Dave and I went in for a very quick visit to L&D. It was only an hour and a half, they did two tests which were negative for amniotic fluid. I was monitored with practically no contractions the whole time. We went home and moved on. Every night though, when I would get up for my potty breaks, I would feel like an accumulation came out. I would turn on the lights, get all stressed as I tried to figure out what was going on. I even used ph strips, but the ph just wasn't high enough. On Monday night, the same thing happened, but I was sick of waking up for nothing, so I just ignored it and went back to sleep after my potty breaks.
I woke up at 6:00 am, as I had been doing most of the time. I just couldn't sleep in for some reason. Did my regular morning thing, ate breakfast, checked stuff online, got Isaac to school, and I was hoping to slip a bath in before getting Henry off to school. I went into my bathroom for my hourly visit, and as I was more alert this time, I noticed more dripping. I thought about it for a minute, and then I squatted on my bathroom floor and put my hand underneath me. It was pretty wet. I knew immediately it was all over. I laid right in my bed, squeezed my legs together, and started making phone calls.
I first called Dave at work. He was teaching, but I had the secretary interrupt him. I told him my water broke and I think he pretty much walked right out of his class. He was in the car and on his way so fast! I then called my mom and asked her to come watch the kids. Next I called Brooke, my sister in law, and asked her to come up and drive me to the hospital. She is a nurse, so I felt really comfortable with her driving me. Her kids are also in school, so I knew it wouldn't be too hard.
Lastly I was going to call the dr's office. I realized that it was Tuesday, which is my ob's surgery day. I just didn't feel like talking to a nurse. I remembered that my ob had given me his cell phone number. So I called it! He was going to be spending the morning shopping with his wife, and then coming in for surgery. I asked him if I could stay pregnant and he told me that if I hadn't delivered by the following day I would be induced. I begged him to reconsider. He told me he'd see me at the hospital.
I was so sad. I really didn't feel ready to have a baby. I knew it wasn't time yet. I felt totally puzzled as to why it happened. I wished I could just go back to sleep and wake up having not happened.
My little Dawson overheard my phone conversations and was worried. He kept asking me if I was excited to see baby Walker. He couldn't understand why I said no. Poor kid, kids hate seeing their mom upset.
Brooke came up quickly, and helped me get ready. She got me clean underwear and clothes and dressed me. She packed the remaining things in my bag. All the while, I was laying in bed trying to keep my fluid inside. My mom arrived, and so did Dave. Dave was just so panicked that I was going to deliver in the car. I told him it wasn't urgent, I wasn't in labor. I walked outside and Brooke had the car nice and warm for me. I reclined the seat so I was laying down as much as possible, and off we went to the hospital.
When we arrived, I somehow kept questioning myself. Did this really happen? I kept asking if Brooke thought I was faking it. I walked up to the window at L&D and she started asking for my information. Then she asked if I was okay to stand there. I told her not really, so she wrote down my name and said she would take care of the rest. It was SO nice of her. I went back and got a room. I laid down and I believe my first nurse was the manager of the floor. She tested me for fluid, and it was positive. I laid perfectly still. She asked me if my blood pressure was typically high. I told her it was never high. I can't remember for sure what the reading was, but it was quite high. A few readings later it had gone back to normal. I think I was so stressed out about everything that caused it to be high, but having settled in at the hospital, I was calmed down a bit.
I was given a "rescue dose" of betamethasone for his lungs. My doctor agreed to consult with a perinatologist in Ogden about my situation and see if he thought waiting to deliver was okay. They wouldn't stop labor, but the wouldn't force it either. I chose to not leave my bed the entire day, I used a bedpan even to avoid it. My dr gave me a quick ultrasound and it showed that there were small pockets of fluid still, so it was definitely a leak. He told me that the baby would continue to make fluid.
Brooke stayed with me through the day. Dave was a little stressed, so I sent him out to do some things. I really wondered if Dave would see the birth or if labor would start and he wouldn't have time to make it back to the hospital. I had a hair appt that morning that I missed, and that evening, my wonderful hair dresser came and did my hair so I would look pretty for delivery. Contractions came that night for a few hours, they were pretty close together, 3 minutes I think, but then they went away. Some time that evening Mel the NICU nurse came in to talk with me. He said, "You're going to ask me when you're going home and I'm going to ask you when your due date is." I kept reassuring him that it wouldn't be that long, that I had healthy preemies. He said 3 weeks minimum. I was determined to prove him wrong and I did. We made it home in 2.5 weeks! But he did make me very worried. I was choking back tears.
The next morning came and I was still pregnant. And ultrasound tech came and checked everything out. He measured 33 weeks, and 5 lbs 4 oz. She said his head was nice and round. My fluid had replenished so well that I was in the normal range. Normal is between 7 and 28, and I was at 14. I wasn't leaking as much anymore, so I felt pretty stable. The perinatologist said if I wanted to wait until 35 weeks I could unless I developed an infection. But he recommended delivering 24 hours after a second dose of betamethasone. My doctor said, "The only thing worse than a preterm baby is an infected preterm baby." The decision was between delivering Thursday and waiting until Monday. I leaned toward the first option and Dave leaned toward the second. But both doctors preferred the first option, so I decided to go with that. I didn't like the idea of risking infection. Knowing what I know now after seeing infected babies in the NICU, I feel SO good about that decision.
I had the BEST nurses throughout this process. They were all so nice, and so capable.
Dr. Fowers told me to take a shower on Wednesday and do a little walking Thursday morning to see what happened. Oddly, it didn't start any contractions at all. So Pitocin was started around 7:30 or 7:45.
My nurse was named Dawn, and I don't think I could have had anyone better for my labor. She thought it was so weird to be blasting me with pitocin at 34 weeks, it's uncommon. She started it slow, and didn't have to turn it up too high before the contractions started at 3 minutes apart. I think they started a little after 8:00. She said the average person gets up in the high teens, low twenties of pitocin, but I was in labor at only 8. She checked my cervix and it was 3 cm and 60% effaced. My doctor came in a few minutes later and said I was 3 and 80%. She looked skeptical, but thought perhaps I had changed that quickly. I asked him to check to see if there was a forebag, which there was, so he broke it. That's why I hadn't been leaking as much.
I not only got to have my ob there, but also my pediatrician. They stuck around for awhile thinking it might be only a few minutes, but it wasn't quite as fast as we imagined. In the first hour I mostly sat on the ball, and it wasn't too bad. I changed from 3 to 5 cm and maybe 80% effaced. I tried hard to empty my bladder as much as possible so he could drop. I worked to get Dave to support me through contractions, which he wasn't too excited about, but he did it. I called Brooke and asked her to come since I wasn't sure how much help Dave would be, and my mom was with the kids. I spent the second hour on the ball as well, and after an hour of pain there was no change. I was disappointed.
I should say that these contractions were not painful for very long. I pulled out the contraction app to see if they were even long enough to be doing anything. It only hurt for about 20-30 seconds at the peak, the rest was fine. In between contractions I felt great. So while it wasn't pain free by any means, it was totally do able. I just kept thinking about my friend Carrie and how she had a natural birth with her water broken and pitocin. She told me I could do it too, and I held onto that when I was feeling pain.
Dawn told me if I could get him to drop it would be over fast. I asked for some Fentanyl. She came to put it through my IV, and I changed my mind. Mostly because I didn't like the idea of feeling better for awhile, and then feeling worse again. It seemed like it might be better to just stay in pain. She increased my pitocin to 10. So I decided to move around a little more and see if he would drop. I got on my hands and knees, sat up, laid in the lateral position, sat on the ball, and even tried a contraction on the toilet which I hated. She checked me and said I was completely thinned out and a 6.
Dawn asked if I was feeling pressure with my contractions and I told her I was. She called the doctor. This was 11 minutes before he was born. I felt more pressure and went to the bathroom. The contractions were coming really close now and I was cranky about it. I didn't want them so close, even though I knew it meant the end was almost there. When I came out of the bathroom, the doctor walked in. I laid down and he checked me at 7 cm 100% effaced and 0 station. I was sad because I thought I should be ready to push. When I said that my doctor told me I didn't have to wait until I was 10 cm to push. Little did I know it was only 6 more minutes until he was born. The nurse called the pediatrician in saying it was close, and he was only in the room for a minute before birth. It was all perfect timing.
I had a terrible contraction in which I bit Dave on the chest. I knew that was a stupid thing to do, so I bit his shirt on the side and tried not to scream. The contraction ended, but the pain didn't really go away. I was so mad to not have a break in between contractions that when the next one came I started saying, "I can't, I can't, I can't." After 10 second of that contraction, the pain was unbearable. I was waiting for the urge to push, but I didn't feel it. No one told me I could push, I was waiting for someone to tell me to. But when that pain was unbearable I made the decision mid-contraction to just push. Exactly 15 seconds later he was born. One push was all it took. I won't lie, it hurt pretty darn bad. But when he was all out it felt so much better.
He was blue and not crying at first. Dr. Fowers was suctioning him out and he let out a small, gurgly cry. He showed him to me really fast, and then took him over to the NICU nurse and my pediatrician. They cleaned him up a little, puffed out his lungs a little, and weighed him. Would you believe his weight was exactly what the ultrasound predicted? I was impressed. Dr. O'very looked at the bottoms of his feet and declared that we were looking at a true 34 weeker. I guess he was hoping my dates were off and we would have an older baby.
My natural childbirth (forced by Pitocin) took only 3.5 hours. And I did it! The last few minutes were so painful, but I really don't need an epidural for only a 10 minutes.
Now I was told that there was no chance I would nurse this little guy in my L&D room. They would take him straight to the NICU. But my cute NICU nurse, Wendy said, "I'm going to let him stay and play for an hour." So I got to keep him in there and nurse him. He took awhile to find any interest, but he did nurse and it was awesome. I was so pleased.
When they handed him to me for the first time, I was startled. He didn't look at all like I expected him to. In fact, I said that he didn't even look like he was mine. Wendy assured me he hadn't left the room, so he must be mine. His face looked so long and skinny, and his hair is a little darker than even Henry's I think. I actually thought he was kind of funny looking. I thought that for most of the first day. Now he looks like a 50/50 split of Henry and G. to me. He has the eyelashes like G. (hopefully stays that way), dark hair like Henry, face shape like Henry, but head shape more like G. Eyes like....all of them looked the same at that age. No dimples, and only a small cleft in the chin. Nose, I would say like Henry. Now of course, I think he's beautiful.
I felt so good after delivery that I hopped off the bed and walked upstairs. I was very pleased with the whole process and very happy that I felt so good.
Monday, November 21, 2011
NICU Photobomb
So the NICU has pretty much terrible lighting. At least our room, couldn't even see the light of day. Imagine that, 2.5 weeks before you ever see your child in the light of day. It was kind of cool to see him in reality. Anyway, I couldn't seem to catch a picture of him that looked decent. That is partly due to the lack of good equipment.
Luckily this adorable nurse in the NICU is a photographer as well. She is expecting a boy and really wanted an owl hat like Walker's. So we traded a hat for some photography (I got the better end of the bargain by far). I think I already wrote this story, but oh well.
She came back a second time to take some pictures with some better lighting. So this is the second photo shoot with a little bit crisper photos, but less alert baby. She is so awesome. What a great blessing that I had her!!!
Have you noticed how busy Walker's hands are? They are always up messing with his face!
I went to snuggle him every feeding whether it was a breastfeeding or a gavage. I would snuggle him like this while they pushed the milk through his tube. I didn't want to miss any moments with him. And that was made possible by a fantastic dad, grandma and grandpa, and some good friends who offered their time and 2 days with a nanny. There were some other people involved, but my brain isn't functioning enough to remember who right now. But thanks to all those people, I could be at the hospital 20 hours a day with my baby.
Luckily this adorable nurse in the NICU is a photographer as well. She is expecting a boy and really wanted an owl hat like Walker's. So we traded a hat for some photography (I got the better end of the bargain by far). I think I already wrote this story, but oh well.
She came back a second time to take some pictures with some better lighting. So this is the second photo shoot with a little bit crisper photos, but less alert baby. She is so awesome. What a great blessing that I had her!!!
Have you noticed how busy Walker's hands are? They are always up messing with his face!
I went to snuggle him every feeding whether it was a breastfeeding or a gavage. I would snuggle him like this while they pushed the milk through his tube. I didn't want to miss any moments with him. And that was made possible by a fantastic dad, grandma and grandpa, and some good friends who offered their time and 2 days with a nanny. There were some other people involved, but my brain isn't functioning enough to remember who right now. But thanks to all those people, I could be at the hospital 20 hours a day with my baby.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Is it terrible?
Is it terrible that I enjoyed my time at the NICU with Walker? I mean of course I am loving being home. But I keep having people commenting about how hard it must have been for me to have him there, and I'm not sure how to respond. Do I lie and shake my head saying, "yes, it was so hard." or do I make myself look a little weird saying that I actually enjoyed it?
I lived at Logan Regional Hospital for 20 days. Here are some reasons why I liked it, and some pictures to show you my experience.
1. It was just me and him. I spent a few hours with the kids in the morning, and the rest of the day was just me and Walker. We bonded, we snuggled, it was great. I nursed him uninterrupted which would never have happened at home.
2. I had the best nurses ever, and we had so much fun together. Seriously, I LOVED them. We had wonderful, quiet talks behind my closed curtain in my room. We had hilarious, loud talks by the front desk. They were probably glad to get rid of me, but I was sad to leave them. All of the NICU staff are like a family. It was a privilege getting to spend 2.5 weeks with them. Oh yeah, and they took great care of Walker too. ;)
3. I learned things in the NICU, and I LOVE to learn. I learned amazing things medically, I even learned more about baby care, which I thought I had a pretty good handle on after raising 4 of them. I tirelessly ask questions, and I love to have them answered by someone other than Google.
4. The facility is amazing. I don't know how many NICU's are like ours. Ours is huge. We had our own room the whole time, and it was quite large. It has a big curtain, so we had privacy as we nursed.
5. Common bonds. It is an organization formed by parents who have been through the NICU experience. They provide snacks for all the parents, gifts every day or two that they leave in your room (not small gifts either, they were pretty substantial some days and they really brighten your day), and they provide a camera and printer so you can capture moments of your baby when you are unprepared.
6. As I'm typing this I'm just realizing that every new mother would like an instruction manual for their child. I felt like for 2.5 weeks I had one. My own personal nurse taking constant care of my baby and helping me with every decision. I looked at them with helpless eyes when I couldn't figure out how to make that baby eat. They responded with so much experience. I have raised 4 babies..... Who knows how many they have taken care of, but.....quite a few more I'm sure! They changed most of the diapers and weighed each diaper to make sure everything was in order. They were certain to alternate sleeping positions to keep his head nice and round. They bathed him every other day. They helped me decide how best to feed him for that particular day to help him the most. They weighed him before and after he ate so that we knew how much he was getting and how much we needed to supplement through his ng tube. And they called me when it was time to feed him. Goodness, they handed me a fresh blanket and burp cloth and offered me a drink with every feeding. It was wonderful.
I wish I could let you all in to my experience there, it was so special. I wouldn't trade it for anything. It wasn't hard at all, it was a pleasure. I worry that I will feel like I'm missing something if I don't have a NICU stay with my next baby. I know that sounds so weird!
Pre and Post weights to see how much he ate (measured in grams)- yes I have many chins, and yes, I hope to transfer them to my baby!
He was in room 2 which has "Angel Baby" written on the wall. It was so appropriate, he was the most angelic baby in there I think. He was really well behaved. Still is. That recliner was where I sat every 3 hours.
The pump that fed him.
Our little wired up baby. We've gone wireless now. :)
His cute little feet
Notice how big my hand is next to him. He was so tiny. It makes me crazy that he's grown so much already.
Every time we fed him we had to match the number on his ankles to the number on the label of the milk I pumped. That way I never fed him someone else's milk! I was kind of sad cutting off his shackles when we got home. He's no longer a prisoner... I mean patient!
Look how small he is next to my cell phone. And I have a small cell phone!
The equipment side of the room. monitors, oxygen, etc.
I lived at Logan Regional Hospital for 20 days. Here are some reasons why I liked it, and some pictures to show you my experience.
1. It was just me and him. I spent a few hours with the kids in the morning, and the rest of the day was just me and Walker. We bonded, we snuggled, it was great. I nursed him uninterrupted which would never have happened at home.
2. I had the best nurses ever, and we had so much fun together. Seriously, I LOVED them. We had wonderful, quiet talks behind my closed curtain in my room. We had hilarious, loud talks by the front desk. They were probably glad to get rid of me, but I was sad to leave them. All of the NICU staff are like a family. It was a privilege getting to spend 2.5 weeks with them. Oh yeah, and they took great care of Walker too. ;)
3. I learned things in the NICU, and I LOVE to learn. I learned amazing things medically, I even learned more about baby care, which I thought I had a pretty good handle on after raising 4 of them. I tirelessly ask questions, and I love to have them answered by someone other than Google.
4. The facility is amazing. I don't know how many NICU's are like ours. Ours is huge. We had our own room the whole time, and it was quite large. It has a big curtain, so we had privacy as we nursed.
5. Common bonds. It is an organization formed by parents who have been through the NICU experience. They provide snacks for all the parents, gifts every day or two that they leave in your room (not small gifts either, they were pretty substantial some days and they really brighten your day), and they provide a camera and printer so you can capture moments of your baby when you are unprepared.
6. As I'm typing this I'm just realizing that every new mother would like an instruction manual for their child. I felt like for 2.5 weeks I had one. My own personal nurse taking constant care of my baby and helping me with every decision. I looked at them with helpless eyes when I couldn't figure out how to make that baby eat. They responded with so much experience. I have raised 4 babies..... Who knows how many they have taken care of, but.....quite a few more I'm sure! They changed most of the diapers and weighed each diaper to make sure everything was in order. They were certain to alternate sleeping positions to keep his head nice and round. They bathed him every other day. They helped me decide how best to feed him for that particular day to help him the most. They weighed him before and after he ate so that we knew how much he was getting and how much we needed to supplement through his ng tube. And they called me when it was time to feed him. Goodness, they handed me a fresh blanket and burp cloth and offered me a drink with every feeding. It was wonderful.
I wish I could let you all in to my experience there, it was so special. I wouldn't trade it for anything. It wasn't hard at all, it was a pleasure. I worry that I will feel like I'm missing something if I don't have a NICU stay with my next baby. I know that sounds so weird!
Pre and Post weights to see how much he ate (measured in grams)- yes I have many chins, and yes, I hope to transfer them to my baby!
He was in room 2 which has "Angel Baby" written on the wall. It was so appropriate, he was the most angelic baby in there I think. He was really well behaved. Still is. That recliner was where I sat every 3 hours.
The pump that fed him.
Our little wired up baby. We've gone wireless now. :)
His cute little feet
Notice how big my hand is next to him. He was so tiny. It makes me crazy that he's grown so much already.
Every time we fed him we had to match the number on his ankles to the number on the label of the milk I pumped. That way I never fed him someone else's milk! I was kind of sad cutting off his shackles when we got home. He's no longer a prisoner... I mean patient!
Look how small he is next to my cell phone. And I have a small cell phone!
The equipment side of the room. monitors, oxygen, etc.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Coming
I've been working on a post about my delivery. It's been a draft for well over a week. For some reason I feel totally compelled to record every single detail, so it will be a long one. I'll finish it up soon.
Until it's done, here is a random tidbit about premature babies (for those who know me well, you know I want to know everything, I ask a ton of questions)
We had our pediatrician at the delivery because of Walker's prematurity. He didn't have to do much, Walker got apgars of 8 and 9, so he was a pretty standard delivery. But as soon as they put him on the isolette to clean him up, the doctor announced that it looked like the dates were correct based on the bottoms of his feet.
Bottoms of his feet? I had to ask him about that. He told me he was hoping we weren't dealing with a true 34 weeker. But when he saw how smooth the bottom of his feet were, he knew that Walker really was at the beginning of his 34th week. So I googled pictures of baby feet. And sure enough, most baby feet have deeper lines in them, but Walkers were smoother. Now he is 37 weeks, and the lines on his feet look a little more prominent to me. Not that I have much of an eye for it, but I thought it was a fascinating thing to learn.
Until it's done, here is a random tidbit about premature babies (for those who know me well, you know I want to know everything, I ask a ton of questions)
We had our pediatrician at the delivery because of Walker's prematurity. He didn't have to do much, Walker got apgars of 8 and 9, so he was a pretty standard delivery. But as soon as they put him on the isolette to clean him up, the doctor announced that it looked like the dates were correct based on the bottoms of his feet.
Bottoms of his feet? I had to ask him about that. He told me he was hoping we weren't dealing with a true 34 weeker. But when he saw how smooth the bottom of his feet were, he knew that Walker really was at the beginning of his 34th week. So I googled pictures of baby feet. And sure enough, most baby feet have deeper lines in them, but Walkers were smoother. Now he is 37 weeks, and the lines on his feet look a little more prominent to me. Not that I have much of an eye for it, but I thought it was a fascinating thing to learn.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
HOME!
We are home and having a wonderful time. The boys are all desperately in love with their brother. He has been very pleasant so far (although the dr predicted him to be colicky/refluxy, we are enjoying him now). The hardest thing for me was leaving the hospital. I kind of felt like I was kidnapping their baby. He lived there for 2.5 weeks, and suddenly I stole him and took him to my house. He had also been monitored his whole life and they let me take him home and put him in a crib unmonitored? And the first time he woke me up in the night, I was so confused/disoriented. I always woke up to a phone call from his NICU nurse telling me it was time to feed him. But it's been great, and I have enjoyed every second. I still haven't figure out how to do a few thing (like mop the floor) with 5 kids, but I'm sure it will all come in time. I just don't ever want to put him down.
So despite the tears I shed at leaving our NICU family behind, I feel totally fulfilled as the mother of 5. I keep thinking I must understand how Michelle Duggar feels now, but I guess we have a 15 child discrepancy, so maybe not.
So despite the tears I shed at leaving our NICU family behind, I feel totally fulfilled as the mother of 5. I keep thinking I must understand how Michelle Duggar feels now, but I guess we have a 15 child discrepancy, so maybe not.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
20 grams
We will weigh this little baby in a few hours and if he gains 20 grams, we go home in the morning! Woohoo!
I must admit I'm a little bit nervous about going home. These nurses have been taking such good care of Walker, now they want me to do it? I'm sure I can do it, but it is kind of scary.
I must admit I'm a little bit nervous about going home. These nurses have been taking such good care of Walker, now they want me to do it? I'm sure I can do it, but it is kind of scary.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
11/10
Today Walker is 2 weeks old. He is doing sooo much better with eating. This morning he pulled out his feeding tube, so we went with it! Today we got mostly feedings in the 30s, but it's good enough. He gained 9 grams today, so as long as he gains again tomorrow night and doesn't need a new feeding tube put in, we will go home Saturday!!
Here he is in his "coming home" outfit. I got antsy, and had to put it on early. It's so cute. He's so cute. We have spent so much time snuggling, he is the cuddliest little baby. Still very sweet, but doing really well when it's time to eat. He's really going for it now. Hopefully he can keep going, won't lose energy, and can keep "nippling" all his feeds so he can graduate!
Here he is in his "coming home" outfit. I got antsy, and had to put it on early. It's so cute. He's so cute. We have spent so much time snuggling, he is the cuddliest little baby. Still very sweet, but doing really well when it's time to eat. He's really going for it now. Hopefully he can keep going, won't lose energy, and can keep "nippling" all his feeds so he can graduate!
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Update 2 weeks old
Walker is 2 weeks old tomorrow. I can't believe it. It's been a wonderful 2 weeks with him, he is so sweet. I have been noticing that the other babies in the NICU are much crankier than him. I'm starting to think he really does have a sweet personality. He is now the senior NICU patient. All the other babies have come and gone. The nurses are so in love with him, they don't mind him staying a little longer.
Last night we had some good feedings finally. Today we had 2 that were good, so we decided to go for a third. He got 48/50 ml, so really good. We are thinking in another day or two we will be able to get the NG tube out, and if he can maintain weight gain without it, he will go home in a few days. We'll see how he does, but it's looking good. He's turned the corner anyway. He was stuck for awhile, so it's good to see progress.
At 2 weeks old he has passed his birth weight by a few ounces, so that is great. He is still a decent color, and not on the lights.
Last night we had some good feedings finally. Today we had 2 that were good, so we decided to go for a third. He got 48/50 ml, so really good. We are thinking in another day or two we will be able to get the NG tube out, and if he can maintain weight gain without it, he will go home in a few days. We'll see how he does, but it's looking good. He's turned the corner anyway. He was stuck for awhile, so it's good to see progress.
At 2 weeks old he has passed his birth weight by a few ounces, so that is great. He is still a decent color, and not on the lights.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
11/5
When I went down for our 9:30 feeding this morning, Walker was wearing clothes!!! The doctor had taken him off of the lights. It was so fun to hold him and see him in clothes. He's so stinkin' tiny, it's so cute. The doctor also ordered to try nursing at every feeding, but after pushing him to do that for a few feedings, he had a bradycardia and a de-sat and my nurse thought that we better back off. So now we're trying two breast, one gavage (tube feed). Last night we got 39 and then 18. So it shows that he doesn't have the energy to do as much the second time in a row. I'm going to talk with the dr this morning, and try to explain to him that I don't want to push this little guy too hard. Personally, I think his bilirubin is going to jump up again.
Walker had a photo shoot today. One of the nurses in the NICU is pregnant and she asked if I would make her one of my owl hats. She agreed to take pictures of Walker in exchange for a hat (unfair trade, I'm going to really try to pay her!) What could be better than a photographer who knows her way around the NICU already? She knows what to do with all the wires, etc. Where they keep the cute blankets. It was awesome! I'm going to talk to the new manager of the NICU and recommend that they offer this to all the parents. It will be so cool to have this experience documented, and she is really good! I think a good photographer can make the pictures look better than real life, and hers definitely did. She will be working tomorrow and she said she'd bring the camera and take a few more. I can't wait!
Walker had a photo shoot today. One of the nurses in the NICU is pregnant and she asked if I would make her one of my owl hats. She agreed to take pictures of Walker in exchange for a hat (unfair trade, I'm going to really try to pay her!) What could be better than a photographer who knows her way around the NICU already? She knows what to do with all the wires, etc. Where they keep the cute blankets. It was awesome! I'm going to talk to the new manager of the NICU and recommend that they offer this to all the parents. It will be so cool to have this experience documented, and she is really good! I think a good photographer can make the pictures look better than real life, and hers definitely did. She will be working tomorrow and she said she'd bring the camera and take a few more. I can't wait!
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Update 1 week old
Today baby Walker is 1 week old. You would never guess by looking at him. He's still as small and sleepy as a newborn. Due to the force feeds (gavage is what they call it) through the tube, he has been able to get the nutrition necessary to keep his weight up. He dropped to 4.15 at the lowest, and is up to 5.2 today. His bilirubin is fairly low, but doesn't drop. I think we've kept that down through the gavage and early intervention with phototherapy. It's around 9 or 10. G. Jesse's was up to 22. So you can see how much better this little guy has done due to his hospitalization.
His vitals continue to be strong, heartrate, oxygen, breathing, temperature are all stable. We are just waiting on him to wake up and eat! Dr. O'very was in this evening and he said that once he takes 100% of his feeds through a nipple (they call it "nippling"), if he's averaging a weight gain of 20 grams a day for a couple of days, then we go home. So at any given time we are at least a few days away from coming home, even if we have success in nippling all feeds. On the one hand it seems like overkill to me, but when I think about it, I really don't want the stress of him home without that.
I've seen a lot of babies come and go though. One of his next door neighbors came in really sick in quite an emergency. I think he left tonight. Even miss Evelyn next door will likely beat Walker home. Although, she is declining which is sad. She's full term, she should have gone home already! She got the feeding tube and was put back on lights and oxygen. Her parents are very friendly, and I kind of like having them around, so I don't mind if she stays!
Today, our 9:30 am feed was our best yet! He got 48 out of 50 ml, so nearly perfect. 12:30 was gavage and 3:30 we got 6 minutes of nursing with only 19 ml. I was kind of disappointed, but I do understand he just needs time. The nurses are still quite impressed with him, and the lactation consultant (Her name is Liz, and she is probably our favorite NICU nurse) skipped right over him. There is nothing wrong with him, he latches great, sucks great, he just can't keep it going. That is quite good for a 34 weeker, so I can't be mad at him!
I'm still enjoying my time with this little guy. He is so sweet and delicious. I love holding him and being with him.
His vitals continue to be strong, heartrate, oxygen, breathing, temperature are all stable. We are just waiting on him to wake up and eat! Dr. O'very was in this evening and he said that once he takes 100% of his feeds through a nipple (they call it "nippling"), if he's averaging a weight gain of 20 grams a day for a couple of days, then we go home. So at any given time we are at least a few days away from coming home, even if we have success in nippling all feeds. On the one hand it seems like overkill to me, but when I think about it, I really don't want the stress of him home without that.
I've seen a lot of babies come and go though. One of his next door neighbors came in really sick in quite an emergency. I think he left tonight. Even miss Evelyn next door will likely beat Walker home. Although, she is declining which is sad. She's full term, she should have gone home already! She got the feeding tube and was put back on lights and oxygen. Her parents are very friendly, and I kind of like having them around, so I don't mind if she stays!
Today, our 9:30 am feed was our best yet! He got 48 out of 50 ml, so nearly perfect. 12:30 was gavage and 3:30 we got 6 minutes of nursing with only 19 ml. I was kind of disappointed, but I do understand he just needs time. The nurses are still quite impressed with him, and the lactation consultant (Her name is Liz, and she is probably our favorite NICU nurse) skipped right over him. There is nothing wrong with him, he latches great, sucks great, he just can't keep it going. That is quite good for a 34 weeker, so I can't be mad at him!
I'm still enjoying my time with this little guy. He is so sweet and delicious. I love holding him and being with him.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Day 6
Tube feeding every other feeding did great things for Walker. He is supposed to get 50 ml in each feeding, but he got as high as 38 I think from the breast. Yesterday he had gotten as little as 3 ml. After all attempts to breastfeed, he tube feeds the difference. They weigh him before and after eating without letting anything else change (diaper, blanket, etc) and they see the difference between the two weights. Then the rest is put through his NG tube. On the other feedings, we don't even try to breastfeed, he rests while getting it all through his tube.
Today the doctor thought that we were successful enough that we should bump it up. 2 feeds at the breast, 1 tube feed. We tried and it didn't go well, so we are going to back off and go back to every other.
The doctor also said to take him off of phototherapy today. I was not happy with this decision. For some reason, he came back a few minutes later and looked at his results from this morning. His bilirubin had gone up, and while still below the danger zone, the fact that it's rising tells us that his liver still isn't working that well. Personally, I think the only reason his levels are as low as they are is because of the lights, we never let them get high. He looks really good though, I've never had a baby with a white torso before. His face is still yellow, but not glowing, and the whites of his eyes actually is pretty white.
His weight was down to 4.15 , but is now back up to 5.2. So weight is looking great, almost to birthweight.
He still doesn't have the energy to cry really, he goes right back to sleep when you put him down. He is so sweet to hold, he just sleeps in your arms. I am loving my time with him, I don't mind this NICU stay at all.
It's poor Dave that has to do all the hard work at home. He is pretty much Super Dad though. I'm so proud of him. He's doing a great job and is so supportive.
Today the doctor thought that we were successful enough that we should bump it up. 2 feeds at the breast, 1 tube feed. We tried and it didn't go well, so we are going to back off and go back to every other.
The doctor also said to take him off of phototherapy today. I was not happy with this decision. For some reason, he came back a few minutes later and looked at his results from this morning. His bilirubin had gone up, and while still below the danger zone, the fact that it's rising tells us that his liver still isn't working that well. Personally, I think the only reason his levels are as low as they are is because of the lights, we never let them get high. He looks really good though, I've never had a baby with a white torso before. His face is still yellow, but not glowing, and the whites of his eyes actually is pretty white.
His weight was down to 4.15 , but is now back up to 5.2. So weight is looking great, almost to birthweight.
He still doesn't have the energy to cry really, he goes right back to sleep when you put him down. He is so sweet to hold, he just sleeps in your arms. I am loving my time with him, I don't mind this NICU stay at all.
It's poor Dave that has to do all the hard work at home. He is pretty much Super Dad though. I'm so proud of him. He's doing a great job and is so supportive.
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