Team Green

My plan was to be on team green. You know there is the pink team, the blue team, and the green team. This seemed to be the perfect way to shield myself from the intolerant things people have to say. Contrary to what most people assumed, I was excited about the idea of a 6th boy. Really excited. Of course I thought a girl would be really fun too. I had my little buddy system with isaac and dawson, and henry and G. So Walker needed his buddy. He also needed a bunk mate. I pictured 3 bunks downstairs in our 3 bedrooms. I had plans for both upstairs bedrooms: a guest room and a study. So I knew I would be thrilled with either gender, but I also knew that most of the world was hoping I would have a girl. 

Imagine the comments either way:

Boy-

I'm so sorry

Will you try again for a girl?  

Not another boy!

There is a book on how to pick the gender of your baby you know. 

Girl

It only took you six tries

I bet you're so relieved

EVERY mother deserves both genders 

Oh phew!

Either way, people's comments, with good intentions, are hard to respond to, awkward, and sometimes kind of upsetting. Really a simple, "congratulations, that is so exciting!"  Is best. So team green would shield me from the uncomfortable situation. 

I had people question my ability to wait, and that made me want to do it more. I had people beg me not to wait, and that made me want to more. And mostly I fantasized about my last few weeks, my labor, and my big moment of anticipation, and that made me so excited. 

I had always been so anxious to find out what gender our babies were. But I didn't care at all this time. As ultrasound day was approaching I started having anxiety about actually finding out. I'm pretty good at recognizing ultrasounds by now, so I was worried I would spot the gender accidentally. I considered not having a scan at all. And I had a nightmare that the ultrasound accidentally said, "the way HE is sitting....."  

I told Dave he wasn't invited to the ultrasound. Dave loves to read people. He couldn't be there without making everyone crazy. I showed up to the ultrasound as calm as can be. I told the tech I was not interested in finding out the gender, that this was my last chance for a surprise. She respected that and had done that with one of her children. She was so sweet to have me close my eyes EVERY time she moved the wand. My heart was pounding, I was so worried my eyes would wander. I settled down about halfway through and really stopped looking for the most part, so I knew I wouldn't see. 

About 15ish minutes into the scan, the tech saw a good angle of the cord that she wanted to document. She said quietly to herself, "Let me just look at HER umbilical cord really fast."  My heart sank. I couldn't believe it. It was like I was psychic!  I just knew that would happen. I said nothing. I knew if I said something she would try to cover it up. But I knew in my heart it was true. She had surely seen the gender at that point. And I had found that up to 80% of hospitalized hyperemesis patients were carrying girls, so it seemed likely that was why I was so sick. On the way out she handed me a disk and told me not to watch the end because I might see the gender. 

I called some friends on the way home and asked them what to do. Everyone said it was a mistake and I still had a surprise. My friend offered to come pick up the disk so I wasn't tempted. I wanted her to, but she didn't. But Dave felt like me. He felt certain that the slip was accurate. He tormented me for a few days. It ALL tormented me. I felt like I was lying to the world by saying I didn't know. I realized that I would spend the rest of the pregnancy thinking it was a girl, and then if it came out a boy I would be disappointed. I finally gave into Dave's requests and let him watch the DVD. 

Now the deal was that if he could see clearly what it was, we would find out, if not, maybe we wouldn't. Well he took it to work and watched the video. But of course he couldn't tell, he had no idea what he was looking for. But at the end of the DVD he saw the word "female" written, so he thought he cheated. He acted weird. He didn't tell me. He said he couldn't tell from the video. He said he wanted me to have my surprise anyway. But then when I said I was buying boy clothes AND girl clothes he told me that was silly. I knew he knew so I made him tell me finally. 

He said, "your dream was right."  So I asked if it was a boy. He said no. It's a girl. (More later on the dream). We had a quick moment of celebration , but we were headed out the door with our family, so it didn't last long. 

That night I watched the DVD myself and it was very clear to me that she was a girl.  There were actually glimpses of that throughout the scan. He was right. But he was also wrong. The "female" was written in my medical information. "I" was the female. Oh well, we knew for sure now anyway. 

But I had told everyone we weren't finding out, and I told everyone I didn't see (which was true at the time). So we decided to keep it to ourselves, but after lying to some friends, we realized we couldn't do that for 3 more months. 

We sat the boys down and told them the news. (Video coming). They didn't even move a muscle. They were not impressed. We told our parents that night, and texted our siblings. I got up the courage to tell the world after another day or two. 

I struggled with this news unlike I would have expected. If G had been a girl I would have thrown a party!  But after 5 boys, and thinking I would get a 6th boy, it was more shocking and hard to believe or comprehend. It didn't feel right. I also was really sad that the surprise was ruined, and stressed about getting ready for this girl with how sick I was. 

The next month I had a follow up ultrasound. I told the tech what had happened, and she felt terrible. I asked her to double check between the legs and when she did, I cried. I sobbed a little. It was the fun, exciting moment I had dreamed of. I brought home my girly pictures and looked at them every day. (Kind of creepy right?). But it was the only connection I had to her being a girl. It helped train my brain to believe I was having a girl. 

In the end, I feel like it was best that I found out. Preparing for my little girl was fun, and it was really great to have a pretty nursery and clothes and blankets ready for her.