Your birthday

Today is your birthday baby Walker. Born 4 years and one day later than your big brother Henry, and born in the very same room. It's 3:50 am and I woke up crying. I woke up to an empty room wishing it wasn't empty. I looked around and was hoping it had more people in it than I saw, but I felt nothing. Where are they? I know they'll come! It made me cry more.

I've never done this before. I've never woke up knowing that it would be the day. I am so sorry. No one thinks you are ready to come out. I'm so sorry I failed you. You should have 2 more weeks, 2 more pounds.

There hasn't been a nurse who hasn't called you happy. You are so happy to be in there, you play almost all day when babies are supposed to stop and nap. I wish I could leave you there awhile longer.....safely. You are sleeping now though. Your heart rate is 127, when you play it's up in the 150's.

In a few hours, grandma will go meet your brothers at home and dad will make his way up to the hospital. We'll do what it takes to bring you safely out of me and hope that you can spend as much time as you can in my arms.

I love you Baby Walker. I have loved you before you existed on this Earth. You are so wanted and prayed for, and just exactly what your brothers can't wait to have in their life! They ask about you every day. You should have seen your father's face when he saw you the first time on ultrasound. There is no one happier to be having a new son than him.

Please be safe little guy. Be strong. Life will be hard and overwhelming at first, oh what I wouldn't give to keep you in a safe womb for longer. A womb that wouldn't risk making you sick before you are born. I'm sorry baby!

Come what may today Walker, Happy Birthday. Your mommy already loves you more than words! Good luck on your big day. I've finally recognized that this is your day and not mine.